This Yankee went to NASCAR for the first time ever.
I attempted to live tweet it but was completely distracted by my own jorts. In fact, my red, white and blue ensemble complete with a Walmart bag were a huge hit. And by huge hit, I mean no beer was spilled on me.
We arrived and were greeted by two teens in a golf cart with a flag “ICE & CIGS.” My kids declined since they weren’t hot or in need of cancer.
We immediately put on the kids’ headphones in case the next cart offered them beer and sex, and we headed to the race track.
When we entered Richmond International Raceway, I was overjoyed to realized that Cars was completely accurate except for the talking cars part.
We took our seats to watch driver after driver, we’d never heard of, introduced until YAY DANICA! YAY DALE, JR!.
Then we bowed our heads in prayer, and THANKED GOD FOR NASCAR. A-freakin-men.
As the race began, E was transported into heaven on Earth. (prayer totally works!) He spent the entire time yelling: GO, BLUE CAR GO!
I spent the entire time looking for mullets and found only one minor mullet so I yelled: Way to ruin the stereotype, NASCAR!
We were 85 laps into the race when I realized it would be dawn before it ended so I bribed E with presents, and we waved good-bye to the blue car and our first NASCAR experience.
As we left, I did see this sign in the parking lot, which helped to reaffirm that we were in fact at a NASCAR race.
Between you and me, we cannot WAIT to go back.