How Do Babies Get Out, Mama?

My 6-year-old son is obsessed with babies. Not dolls but real babies. He lights up around anyone less than 18 months old.

I even had a mom say to me: He’s amazing with kids.

All this would be SO SWEET if it didn’t lead to conversations like these:

E: Mama, did I come out your mouth or your bottom?

I stall.

Me: When you where in my tummy? 

Once, I tried to explain the uterus, but unless I wanted to hold an anatomy class with a cadaver, it did not make enough sense to pursue.

E: Yeah, did I come out of your mouth or your bottom when I was a baby?

I consider my options. I’m not going to say mouth although I can see why he wasn’t sure after looking at this preggo picture:

Baby could pop out anywhere anytime.

But I also don’t want to talk too much about making babies when he’s only in kindergarten. I decide that my bottom area is a fair and honest response.

Me: The bottom.


Me: What?

Did he learn from someone that vaginas are gross?  Or is it even worse…

Me: Do you think I meant my butt?

E: Yes, it’s stinky. You poop there!

Holy crap! My son is envisioning a baby coming out of a butt-hole. I can hear the chang ching of therapist everywhere.

Me: Oh no! I meant my vagina.

I pause to wait for him to writhe in embarrassment, confusion, and horror, but as it turns out, the idea of being crapped out of an anus is much worse.

E: Oh, okay. Great! So babies come out penises, too?

{sigh} He looks so hopeful. Of course, he’s never had a catheter.

Me: No, just vaginas. Remember that only girls can grow babies.

E: Oh, only vaginas.

Me: Better than coming out of butts?



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