Normal Things I Hate Doing

I’ve never been good at the dailiness of life. The activities that everyone, everywhere, does everyday. Like sleeping. Or the slightly smaller demographic of people who enjoy eating lunch.


1. Putting gas in my car: Yes, I’m grateful to have a car but not so grateful that I don’t hope magic gas fairies come between the almost-on-empty-light turning on and my car sputtering to a stop. (Heh, magic gas fairies.)

2. Bathing in any form involving water: I’ve already gone over this but since pretty much everyone bathes, it had to be reiterated on the list. My guess is I was a cat in a former life. A stinky cat.

3. Dishes: Sure, no one LIKES doing dishes, but I find that there are dishes in my sink to be shocking and offensive. Doing dishes everyday seems a little excessive.

4. Wearing a bra: I know. I know. I should just move to a bra-less country and stop complaining about all my wealth and power and boobs.

5. Going to bed: Also covered in minute detail in this blog, but seriously, why can’t I even sleep every OTHER night? I have things to do that I need to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for. Probably. I’m not really sure since I have no experience with it.

6. Going to the bathroom: I don’t mind once I’m there but having to get up from typing this very sentence is annoying and must be put off as long as… dammit, I’ll be right back…

7. Eating lunch: I like breakfast and dinner and breakfast for dinner, but I never know what to eat for lunch and whatever I chose isn’t very good. So I’ve decided to declare lunch the most boring and difficult meal of the day. I may be grateful that I can eat 3 meals a day, but I will never have anyone “over for lunch” unless they’re bringing food and it resembles dinner.

8. Washing my face: I’m still vaguely convinced face wash is a conspiracy to get me to purchase and use and purchase and use an unnecessary product. My zits disagree.

9. Walking up or down stairs: Even if it’s the same number of steps as walking from one room to another, the act of stairs is wrong. They are my kryptonite: Cant’s get it {pantpant} too far too tired {gaspgasp} I’m dying. Of stairs.

10. Small talk: I don’t want to ask how you are doing because I already know you are going to say: Fine. Unless we are really good friends, then you’re going to say: Awesome because you’re here and I don’t have to put up with anymore of this small talk crap. And we can move along to armageddon prep.

I could go on and on, but I’ve survived for the last 33.5 years so these things can’t be that important.

Photo credit: Mostly to Walt.

Read More