When I was a teenager, I hated feet. I hated mine. I hated yours. I thought that all feet were ugly and weird, and I hoped that someone would remove them in the night and replace them with shoes. Perma-shoes. I remember my first pair of open-toed shoes. As I sophomore in high school, I [...]
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I leave myself voice memos. I’d like to think that they are from the writer in me who sees the world as a landscape of inspiration. And then I listened to one tonight. It was a BEATING HEART. I was all WTH is that? Until I remembered that guy I put under the floorboards. Actually, [...]
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So one thing I pride myself on is telling the truth. I don’t lie. Anymore. Not since the lying incident of 2002. But I want to give my children Santa Claus. I DO give my children Santa. And I think about the letter to Virginia and how Santa embodies the SPIRIT of christmas. GETTING STUFF. [...]
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On Sunday night, I’m watching my New York Giants suck because last week all the sportscasters babbled on about them being ONE OF THE BEST TEAMS IN THE NFL and as every Giants fan knows, they can only be the no-one-gives-us-a-break-we-will-show-them team to do well. Now that people APPRECIATE THEIR TALENT the Giants must lose [...]
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Every time my son rounds this corner, he says: OH MY GOSH!: (First of all, my son says: GOSH! Coming from the womb and household of a Mama who spent a good chunk of third grade trying to get her BFF, M, to say: f*cksh*tf*cksh*tf*ckf*ckf*ck, this is amazing. Like a FREAKIN’ miracle. See what I [...]
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I can’t decide if these companies are trying to take over the world or my local grocery store is just covering the basics. These have been there for a month. In case we are ever attacked by wires, we can make our escape through the backyard. Never give a preschooler four kitchen utensils and a [...]
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I’m the kind of person who LOVES an epilogue. I’m no When Harry Met Sally, reading it first in case I die, but when an author leaves me hanging, not knowing who married who and if they are happy, well, NO FIVE CAT FREAKS FOR YOU. With that in mind I realized that I have [...]
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One morning a week ago I am playing with my children in the family room, also known as the T.V. room, also known as the messy room, and I spy a small almost-finished Gatorade bottle.
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