BOING!

The Fantastic Ramp Also Known As One of My Strangest Parenting Failures

After school every day, my kids run over to an office with a ramp in front of it. I have tried bribing, pleading, demanding, and faking my own death to get them to walk directly to our car. These parenting ideas worked so well that now I park my car near the ramp to save us the walk back.  I also congratulate myself daily on teaching my children that unyielding determination and a mother who’s not strong enough to lift two children at once, will take a person far in life.

This ramp-tastic field trip has been going on for over a year, but lately, it’s occurred to me that this office’s receptionist and any patients, who have midday appointments, watch my children stare longingly into the reception area like they’ve never seen a television or a couch.

Wow. Your television is so shiny.

These strangers then listen to my kids run up and down the ramp demanding that I try to kiss them. Or they just see a mom puckering her lips while her children shriek and run away.

Hide from the kiss of death!

An whomever is in charge of cleaning the glass windows gets to wipe off tiny hand prints smeared must wonder WTH? The office has been closed for a week.

BOING! hand print. BOING! hand print.

Finally, the receptionist and her co-workers stare while one of my children cries hysterically from either falling down, having to leave the AMAZING RAMP or deciding that the kissing game DOES NOT INCLUDE KISSING MY HAND!

Obviously, we have never been inside the building because me, the strange mom whose kids climb on a stone ramp and stand against a glass door before they’re willing to go home with me., would like to keep her dignity by never having to make eye contact with any living person who has ever entered that building.

Have a ramp-tastic day!

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Please note the bag has 200 pieces of candy in it.

You Know You’re A Good Parent When You End Up With 4 Pounds Of Sugar In Your Grocery Cart

My son had a bad day at school. His teacher left early, and he was worried about her. Where is she? She went home sick?

When I picked him up, he had tears in his eyes so I did what any good parent would do: I bought my kids ice cream sandwiches instead of lunch.

But the best part was not their little vanilla and chocolate smiles. When we walked from the freezer section to the cash register, my kids began to drag me sideways.

My son: Mama, you need something for your day, too.

My daughter: You need this.

And she lifted up a candy bag three times the size of her head.

200 pieces that I BOUGHT.

Who’s raising her kids right and eating candy while she’s doing it?

This mama.

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