My Chocolate is Gross Face photo

What Is Thicker Than Blood?

My Chocolate is Gross Face photo

Me to my toddler daughter: WHOA! What happened? Are you hurt? My daughter steps closer and so does my freaking out. Me: WHAT HAPPENED!?!?! You're bleeding! OMG, are you bleeding? I reach out to touch her forehead as she stares at me. Me: Blood? Holy crap! Are you okay? ARE YOU OKAY? YOU'RE IN SHOCK! I rub my ...

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Feet Phobia

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When I was a teenager, I hated feet. I hated mine. I hated yours. I thought that all feet were ugly and weird, and I hoped that someone would remove them in the night and replace them with shoes. Perma-shoes. I remember my first pair of open-toed shoes. As I sophomore ...

My Neighbors Are Leaving Me Dog Poop. Seriously.

Dog poop bags

When we had Ratchet dog (who has been re-adopted! yay!), we bought biodegradable doggy crap bags. Luckily, they came with directions broken down into six easy-to-follow steps because "steward of the environment" might also mean "moron". Our neighbors*, finding our love of the environment repugnant, since global warming is just a natural course of events ...