I turn on my car and this comes on. I stare at it. What part of the car is this trying to explain? Is it the battery? Is it a Snork? If it IS a Snork, what is AllStar Seaworthy trying to tell me? That there’s an underground colony of small creatures who wear clothing [...]
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As some of you may have seen, I tweeted out Tuesday about a random woman berating me for leaving Ratchet dog in the car (this is the unabbreviated version also known as why I needed a blog): I’m rounding up the kids to head to the car and take E to camp. Ratchet begs to [...]
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It’s the old adage our parents and teachers like to bring up on occasions that we make assumptions about who a person is and what she is trying to accomplish. The saying is from the Bible or William Shakespeare or Sarah Palin or someone. (google it if you must. report back here IMMEDIATELY) My favorite [...]
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But before we get into yesterday’s story, let’s talk about a couple of years ago when I lit myself on fire. No, it was not in some massive demonstration for freedom and peace. It was merely a demonstration of sleep-deprivation. I am making tea in my terry cloth yellow bathrobe that matches Scott’s terry cloth [...]
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Tonight I passed a car that said SECURITY PATROL on it’s side. With a big ol’ badge in the middle that was shaped like a police badge but with the SCALES OF JUSTICE in the center. I attempted to take a picture. At night. While leaving a voicemail. I didn’t die. My voicemail made no [...]
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My neck hurts and my desk chair is broken. I couldn’t be amusing or cute if you were paying me. (But I would try harder if you were paying me. Do you want my paypal account? Seriously.) Oh and my dog clearly has an itchy butt. AND SO DO I. I’m pretending that they’re unrelated. [...]
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I am a music loser. How do I know? Let’s see. I only like songs that I already know all the words to. Making new music difficult, if not impossible, to like. I also love the song All Star by Smash Mouth and work it into my life as much as possible. Me: E! You [...]
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My son is playing school with his Little People school set. And he tells me: This is my school. And puts a red dot made out of Magneatos on it. He then tells me: I’m AT school. And he puts a green dot at school. And suddenly I realize. He’s reenacting Google Maps. And he [...]
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