I am trapped on the toilet because the coffee I drank encouraged my body to grant ten seconds of warning before assplosion. And then the doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone, but I feel the pressure of someone standing just down the hallway impatiently waiting for me to answer the door. I also feel the [...]
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Happy Columbus Day! I am a lot like our adventurous friend! We are both Italian. Well, I have an Italian grandfather. Who I used to tell my friends was in the mafia. Because otherwise he was just some old guy with an accent. Anyway, Chris and I both like to travel. We don’t like other [...]
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As a stay-at-home mom, I’m fairly sensitive to becoming THAT PERSON. You know, the one who knows EVERYTHING that’s happening in the neighborhood. Whose phone conversations contain references to which neighbors are not going to work and the state of their bushes. (feel free to take that last sentence any way you want) So the [...]
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The apocalypse will begin in my yard. Probably on the day the Justin Bieber memoir comes out. This spot was once a deep hole. The kind of hole that constantly appeared under your foot and twisted your ankle. So my husband and son filled it with top soil. With the intention of placing grass seed [...]
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But before we get into yesterday’s story, let’s talk about a couple of years ago when I lit myself on fire. No, it was not in some massive demonstration for freedom and peace. It was merely a demonstration of sleep-deprivation. I am making tea in my terry cloth yellow bathrobe that matches Scott’s terry cloth [...]
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Over the weekend Scott asks: Can I buy a hammock? Me: {shrugging} Sure. Scott loves relaxing and the hammock seems a perfectly easy way to make him happy. And here is our son enjoying the hammock. Which turns out to be a very TEACHABLE MOMENT. Because my husband is planning on us becoming TREE PEOPLE.
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Every time my son rounds this corner, he says: OH MY GOSH!: (First of all, my son says: GOSH! Coming from the womb and household of a Mama who spent a good chunk of third grade trying to get her BFF, M, to say: f*cksh*tf*cksh*tf*ckf*ckf*ck, this is amazing. Like a FREAKIN’ miracle. See what I [...]
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The children and I are minding our own business in the master bedroom when suddenly we are thrust into an INFOMERICAL. Sham-wow lands on the bed and my husband begins
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