I was given some breathing meditation exercises to help me stay in the moment because people have been getting on my nerves and when people get on my nerves I tend to perseverate on them and I hate that I think about them so much and talk to them about their no good very badness instead of living my very wonderful life but I can’t think my way out of thinking so I needed to take actions to help me stop thinking about annoying people.
I HAVE NEVER BREATHED SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
All I do is breathe in and out. IT’S AWFUL. I’ll probably die of breathing.
My last year of medical school, I took a mindfulness course. I did mindful sitting and eating and a meditation where you’re so meditative that don’t even think about breathing. You don’t even think about thinking. I could meditate like this for 30 minutes straight – like a lump of love with out even realizing I was a lump or love. Now, I can’t even walk into my kitchen without needing to remember to breath.
Stupid people are not only doing things in my present day life, but they’re also reminding me of how awesomely serene I once was. BLAH! ARGH! BLARGH!
See what I mean?
Next up? Brain transplant.
UPDATE: One of my favorite readers is the only person to comment on this post thus far making me feel very unrelatable. However, she said that Jesus is quite fond of meditation so I can only surmise that I am the next messiah. Also, the Dalai Lama implied the next DL will be a woman so that’s also a possibility as is my ability to offend many people at once. I expect no comments at all from here on out.