Breathe Om

UPDATED: Learning To Breathe (Again)

I was given some breathing meditation exercises to help me stay in the moment because people have been getting on my nerves and when people get on my nerves I tend to perseverate on them and I hate that I think about them so much and talk to them about their no good very badness instead of living my very wonderful life but I can’t think my way out of thinking so I needed to take actions to help me stop thinking about annoying people.


All I do is breathe in and out. IT’S AWFUL. I’ll probably die of breathing.

My last year of medical school, I took a mindfulness course. I did mindful sitting and eating and a meditation where you’re so meditative that don’t even think about breathing. You don’t even think about thinking. I could meditate like this for 30 minutes straight – like a lump of love with out even realizing I was a lump or love. Now, I can’t even walk into my kitchen without needing to remember to breath.

Stupid people are not only doing things in my present day life, but they’re also reminding me of how awesomely serene I once was. BLAH! ARGH! BLARGH!


See what I mean?

Breathe Om
The other option was a photo of me flicking them off. The meditations are working! if you ignore me flicking them off and focus on me not taking a picture of it.

Next up? Brain transplant.

UPDATE: One of my favorite readers is the only person to comment on this post thus far making me feel very unrelatable. However, she said that Jesus is quite fond of meditation so I can only surmise that I am the next messiah. Also, the Dalai Lama implied the next DL will be a woman so that’s also a possibility as is my ability to offend many people at once. I expect no comments at all from here on out.

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Indignation non-merge

The Alex Rules Of Driving Will Come With Signs

I am a rule-oriented driver. I believe tailgating and merging have specific and complicated regulations we should all adherence to, and I would be happy to be more controlling and long-winded in the The Alex Rules of Driving.

My book would also come with a series a of signs to better communicate with other drivers.

The merging series:


Thankful merge

Indignation non-merge

Forced gratitude merge

Merge victory sign

The tailgating series:

Stop Tailgating sign

Tailgating Seriously sign

Honk Twice For Caring

tailgate rules

The everyday series:


Thank You wave sign

No cell phone sign

driving and cursing sign

Judging Bumper stickers

I’m pretty sure driving and drivers will improve, or I will cause many, many deaths.

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