NFL Librarian Look

Fashion Tips From The Person Wearing See-Through Leggings

NFL Librarian Look
One of my many creations when I was heading up to NYC to meet with the NFL. I didn’t actually wear it because I didn’t want to be hired as their librarian so I’m clearly qualified to give pointers.

I know I’ve tried to be fashionable in the past, but I’ve finally accepted my fashion-forward is more of a fashion-sideways, which means I’m ready to give you a top ten list of fashion and beauty tips! Obviously!

  1. Buy many pairs of nude-colored underwear until seeing underwear through skirts and leggings is in. (I’ve tried to trend it many times, but so far, I’m unsuccessful. I hoping the title of this post helps.)
  2. Grow your hair long to cover up your bra straps in boat-neck shirts and when your strapless bra is missing. (Also, Google “boat-neck” to make sure you haven’t misused it.)
  3. While you’re at it, cut bangs so when your forehead breaks out, no one knows. I plan to nicknamed mine “CC” for “Cheap Clearasil” or maybe ITOFT for “I’m Too Old For This.”
  4. Buy jeans that are too long and wish them shorter.
  5. Buy as many maxi dresses and long skirts as you can afford so you don’t have to shave your legs all summer.
  6. When you get a new shirt home, especially if it’s silk or rayon or just your favorite purchase ever, cover your fingertips in butter and touch the shirt in multiple spots so when you head out in it for the first time and drip salad dressing, oil, or butter, it’ll blend well.
  7. Buy something that’s a little too tight because “it will stretch” and feel good when you give a never-been-worn pair of jeans and shoes to Goodwill a year later.
  8. Don’t bother with mirrors so you’ll have a great time while never knowing the ten-year-old bikini you’re wearing is way too small for your postpartum body until you browser the beach trip photos… at home.
  9. Flip through magazines and Pinterest beauty and fashion tips only at night so you don’t ever actually buy anything to put them into practice.
  10. Keep wearing your clothing because everything eventually comes back into style — even culottes.

Don’t bother thanking me. Just stand behind me at the supermarket so my panty lines don’t offend people.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

8 thoughts to “Fashion Tips From The Person Wearing See-Through Leggings”

  1. Use Dawn dish washing liquid to get oil stains out of clothing. Rub it into the stain, let it sit for up to 24-hours, and then wash. Oil, salad dressing, butter—gone like that. *POOF*

    This tip brought to you by that chick who spills EVERYTHING on her clothes when she’s eating, cooking, shopping, and just otherwise in the vicinity of food.

  2. So here’s what I do: choose something. Let’s say a pair of shoes. Buy it in all relevant colors (for me, that’s one pair of brown and one pair of black). Wear them until they’re dead. Replace with identical shoes.

    Ditto shirts: find one you like, buy it in all its colors. Sprinkle in maybe three different blouses for special occasions.

    Etc. I’ve been wearing the same few outfits for about 15 years. I like to think I have this in common with Einstein and Jobs, but that’s just a not-very-humble way of saying I’m too lazy to go around figuring out something new to wear everyday.

  3. This is so funny. I am going to be giggling about it all day.

    Don’t even get me started on bangs. I keep growing them out and cutting them back…am I too old for this? First they covered pimples, then they covered wrinkles. Bangs, I just can’t quit you.

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