I’m tired of having amazing Valentine’s Days so I’m implementing these tried-and-true methods instead:
1) Plan nothing because if I had a dollar for every time I was lonely, I could become rich on Valentine’s Day.
2) If I have to do something, keep what I really want for Valentine’s Day a secret until after my partner has planned the day, then half-smile, shrug and sigh, “It’s fine.” Saint Valentine isn’t going to be the only martyr around here.
3) Even though my husband took the day off for Valentine’s Day so we didn’t get a babysitter, feel sorry for myself during dinner when EVERYONE else is out at fancy restaurants. I’ll only get to do that for breakfast and lunch, and I’ll forget to take photos of my food so it didn’t even happen!
4) As my Valentine’s Day meanders into THE WORST, I’ll declare it a “Hallmark Holiday,” post a few links to the REAL Saint Valentine, and high-five all my too-cool-for-paper-hearts friends because if my time is awful, your good time is fake.
5) Finally, I’ll spend the following morning of this fake holiday on Facebook measuring my special time against everyone else’s and being sure to hold all its shortcomings in my heart through Mother’s Day.
Who knew how easy it was to ruin a day? Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all! Have a crappy time if you want!