I Fell Off The Planet

When I was young and angry at someone, I would yell: I HOPE YOU FALL OFF THE PLANET. Or if I was feeling particularly geeky, I would say: I hope his gravity reverses.

It’s a pretty vicious line — floating out past your home and the treetops and finally off into space — particularly with a new movie, Gravity, coming out about a similar idea. I’d say floating into the void with the only other person you may run into being Sandra Bullock acting in a movie is especially terrible.

Well, someone must’ve wished it upon me because POOF! I virtually disappeared from my favorite space on the Internet, Late Enough.

Actually, I went westward rather than upward to BlogHer ’13 in Chicago and had a good time personally and professionally. I was lucky enough to spend one-on-one time (my favorite) with Adrienne (best roommate ever), KLZ (who wasn’t at BH but in Chicago — lucky me!), Kristin, Katie, Angela, and Jen plus with a happenstance walk with Jennifer and long taxi ride with Melissa.

My panel, Blogging the Unbloggable, went really well because of my amazing panelists and the attendees. I was also quoted on Twitter and in the write-up on the best of sessions. Since I’m obsessed with quotes (I have pages and pages collected on my computer), being quoted is faint-inducing. However, I will be working on my use of “you know” because LIKE, UM, SHUT UP, ALEX, YOU KNOW? after reading one paragraph of myself in the transcripts I linked to above.

My family also went to Chicago to spend a long weekend with family friends. I actually only saw them at the airport due to timing issues and the size of my suitcase.

One suitcase for Scott and the kids and one suitcase for me. That's not embarrassing. Mostly.
One suitcase for Scott and the kids and one suitcase for me. That’s not embarrassing. Mostly.

They had a blast though.

Shrek the Musical
N at Shrek the Musical
E at the Field Museum
E outside the Field Museum with a boomerang and how you can tell I wasn’t there.

We got home only to find out that, on Tuesday, I was going to be interviewed by CNN about the perils of being a work-at-home mom. (There are tips in the gallery that I contributed to as well.)

Getting interviewed for CNN
Obviously, there’s not video, but I still use many, many hand gestures.

There was that moment before the article came out that I thought: What if my 40 minute interview becomes one sentence? And I didn’t think of this terrible possibility until AFTER I told everyone and their mother about the interview because OMG! CNN! YAY! Luckily, that wasn’t the case, but my paranoid brain has noted this for future endeavors.

While I was being interviewed, I moved to the suburbs. Literally, 12 hours after I got off the phone with Kelly Wallace, I was putting together my kids’ beds in a house with a garage and a driveway and a mailbox with an adorable tiny red flag that yells PICK UP MY MAIL. I didn’t mention it anywhere online for just about as many weird reasons as why we moved. However, I will answer the biggest question people ask: WHAT ABOUT THE FORT?

My fort in pieces
It came with us! See the roof, walls, and floors? And there’s the giant green slide in back corner.

I also had so many deadlines like celebrating World Breastfeeding Week on Richmondmom where I couldn’t help but talk about how all this boobs-in-public got me no Mardi Gras beads nor did breastfeeding make me better than anyone else (so disappointing). It’s sure to go over well {sigh}, but I laughed coming up with all The Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding that Everyone Forgets to Mention.

I could go on and on, but mostly I’ve missed Late Enough. I usually try to neglect everything except here and my family, but I had forgotten how awful moving is, and I was terrified my cats would crap all over my new home if I didn’t chase them into litter boxes I have stashed all over the house.

My cats hiding on in the new house.
They look so pathetic even though the cat stuff was set up before my kids even got settled. Of course, Loki is still acting like I’ve ruined his life, but the rest are all NICE DIGS, MAMA.
Dog in the tub
By the way, Lars is totally fine with the move because he loves the big backyard and the kids’ new bathtub and he’s a DOG. Also, why are all my animals obsessed with the bathroom? I’m including my kids and husband in that question.

I missed you, but I’ve got my gravity boots on so we should be good to go from here on out. Or I’ll be hanging upside down somewhere trying to type.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

24 thoughts to “I Fell Off The Planet”

  1. Congrats on the move. Being a vet I know the stress of poorly timed moves. At least the languages didn’t change for you like it did for us when we moved to Germany. Wouldn’t that be fun? See? Things are so much better now.

    Your welcome.:)

  2. Sounds like you’ve been pretty damn busy lately! I think neglecting the blog with all of that going on is forgivable.

    Congrats on the new house and CNN interview!

  3. Are you exhausted?! What a week?? Was it only a week?! No seriously…you survived?! Uggggg I’m tired just reading about it all! I am so happy your visit to Chicago and BlogHer went well. I am also so very happy that you rocked your panel session. Then onto CNN holy awesomeness woman! And then moving to top it all of…sigh…I’m exhausted thinking about all of it!!! Congratulations on your new house. Your pets infatuation with the bathroom make me giggle!!! I’ll keep an eye on the ceilings…we wouldn’t want you to be stuck up there!

  4. Love it when work and family coincides for fun!!! Best of both worlds. Happy new home. Though if you didn’t like the burbs I was going to suggest you move in with me and RR could live with S. I’m still hanging on to the city life!!

      1. I hope so! But remember, it’s still Richmond. 😉 I’m sure I’ll see you at Target or somewhere because it is a freakishly small world out here in the suburbs, and I’ll be so excited to see you and tell you I love your blog. That’s fun, right? And then, once these pesky kids are raised, we can all move to a real city! Or the beach. Or a beach-y city.

        1. That would be super fun! It always means a lot when someone actually stops me to say that, and I feel like you and I been talking online forever!

          And yes, the plan is to go all city once the kids (and the big dog?) are grown (and dead? sad but a grown dog still lives with us so creepy but accurate, right?).

    1. Thank you! It was so nice to hug you too. I need to message you about the thank you cards you mentioned sending — email or handwritten? I’d done followups via email in the past but after seeing the whirlwind of brands you knew, I figured I’d ask.

  5. Of all the pictures I saw on Facebook during BlogHer, the ones that made me the most wistful about not being in Chicago featured your blue-streaked hair.

    Congratulations on all things, especially for keeping your gravity boots on, since you’re one of the most down-to-earth people I’ve never met.

    (And my dogs want to know if they can come play with Lars in the bathtub. Take your time answering.)

    1. I would’ve loved to meet you. I wanted to ask you what writing conference you went to last?this? year. Maybe I’ll follow you around sometime.

      Thanks for sharing my excitement. It’s been so good, but I also still wipe butts and get dirty looks from my dog so my feet can’t get too far off the ground, right?

  6. Oh my goodness you have been super busy!!! Congratulations on ALL THE THINGS!!!
    So proud of you!
    And if you need a break from moving I can bring you food. Or probably just send you pizza because I don’t cook. Either way, I would love to meet you once day since we are both Richmond-ish.
    Glad you are back!

    1. Thank you! Oh and I can’t believe we haven’t planned a date yet. Let’s email that out. And of course, sending pizza is always welcomed! It’s a food group in this family.

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