We brought Loki, my 12-year-old cat, to vet because he had peed on everything from unicorn shirts to towels to my husband’s shorts. He’s not just trying to get rid of one person, he’s yelling at us all.
At first, I wasn’t sure which cat it was. We have four because I believe the one cat per human house rule will save us from the zombies. This means my cats always have the perfect alibi. Who scratched the couch? Who puked in the hall? They just look at each other and meow accusingly until reasonable doubt is established and everyone gets off scot-free However, I walked in on Loki popping a squat on a bath mat just before I was going to throw it in the wash. It was vaguely thoughtful of him to chose a dirty mat, but in doing so, he pissed away his chance of not going to THE VET.
When we arrived at our appointment, Loki immediately went to the vet’s computer and emailed his friends about the indignities he was about to suffer. He facebooked a few one liners about how badly Scott drives and the terrible smells in the room – hashtag #vetssuck #parentssuck
The vet assistant took some information along with Loki’s weight and urine and left. Loki went back to the warmth of the computer as we waited for our vet. The same one who helped us through Loki’s ear infection a year ago.
The door then opened setting the stage for what would be the greatest cat moment since ancient Egypt. I was on one side of the room blocked by the exam table facing Loki and the vet entering the room. They were about a foot apart on the same wall, and Scott was to my right.
Time slowed as we all said hi and I glanced back at Loki who, after looking at the vet, crouched down. Suddenly a big eff you came from his butt, and I slo-mo yelled: HE’S ABOUT TO POOP ON YOUR COMPUTER.
Our vet grabbed paper towels, but it was too late. LOKI CRAPPED ALL OVER THE VETERINARIAN’S COMPUTER. He even made eye contact a few times while at work. I could hear the faint cheers of cats everywhere.
After a few seconds of stunned silence, I said: I’m not sure whether to be proud or ashamed.
My vet: At least we’re able to rule in behavioral issues and rule out diarrhea.
At that, Loki walked over to the sink to clean up.
PS. All the labs are normal. He is just literally pissed at us right now.