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UPDATED: Learning To Breathe (Again)

by Alex Iwashyna

in Is It Just Me?, Resentments

I was given some breathing meditation exercises to help me stay in the moment because people have been getting on my nerves and when people get on my nerves I tend to perseverate on them and I hate that I think about them so much and talk to them about their no good very badness instead of living my very wonderful life but I can’t think my way out of thinking so I needed to take actions to help me stop thinking about annoying people.

I HAVE NEVER BREATHED SO MUCH IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

All I do is breathe in and out. IT’S AWFUL. I’ll probably die of breathing.

My last year of medical school, I took a mindfulness course. I did mindful sitting and eating and a meditation where you’re so meditative that don’t even think about breathing. You don’t even think about thinking. I could meditate like this for 30 minutes straight – like a lump of love with out even realizing I was a lump or love. Now, I can’t even walk into my kitchen without needing to remember to breath.

Stupid people are not only doing things in my present day life, but they’re also reminding me of how awesomely serene I once was. BLAH! ARGH! BLARGH!

BREATHBREATHBREATH.

See what I mean?

Breathe Om

The other option was a photo of me flicking them off. The meditations are working! if you ignore me flicking them off and focus on me not taking a picture of it.

Next up? Brain transplant.

UPDATE: One of my favorite readers is the only person to comment on this post thus far making me feel very unrelatable. However, she said that Jesus is quite fond of meditation so I can only surmise that I am the next messiah. Also, the Dalai Lama implied the next DL will be a woman so that’s also a possibility as is my ability to offend many people at once. I expect no comments at all from here on out.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Mandy June 19, 2013 1

I tried meditation. I fell asleep. I should try again to see if I can get a couple good naps a day in. :)

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Alex Iwashyna June 20, 2013 2

This type of breathing meditation will only lead to hyperventilation. Although fainting is nap-like.

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Lily from It's A Dome Life June 20, 2013 3

“I’ll probably die of breathing.”…fess up, you were a T-shirt slogan writer in a past life. I would so wear that t-shirt.
Lily from It’s A Dome Life recently posted..I Do My Best Michael Jackson Impression For The Doctor

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Alex Iwashyna June 20, 2013 4

I have been watching lots of Mad Men.

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Lady Jennie June 20, 2013 5

Hello lovely – you look very nice when you’re breathing.

When I’m in that place I meditate on each individual word of Philippians 4:4-8
whatever is true – God is not annoying and he loves me.
whatever is noble – being secure enough in God’s love to forgive glaring flaws in others
whatever is right – forgiveness and love is right – always.
whatever is pure – baby breath (etc)
Lady Jennie recently posted..Musings About Boring Technical Stuff

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Alex Iwashyna June 20, 2013 6

That’s a lovely meditation. I look forward to trying it out.

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Alesha June 20, 2013 7

When I had to breathe that much? I quit my job. True story. Now I will be doing tech support over the phone. What was I thinking? Lol!

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Alex Iwashyna June 20, 2013 8

I definitely believe this type of breathing deserves a drastic response. Or you and I are terrible influences on each other.

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Kimberly June 21, 2013 9

I can’t do the mindfulness thing. I can’t. I just don’t know how to tell my brain that it needs to participate and to allow my lungs to take over and pretend that it’s shut off like I’m dead or something but then I remember that I’m breathing which means I’m alive and I have a fucking giant pile of laundry to do.
Kimberly recently posted..And All The Way Back

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Katie July 2, 2013 10

I had to come comment because you said no one commented, but that was days and days ago and I am late, so now there are comments.

Plus my comment is lame, but true. I hate when people tell me to breathe. I want to punch them. And then I get all focussy on the breathing and I some how screw it up and end up having an anxiety attack.

Anyway. I have been gone from here too long. Dang real life.
Katie recently posted..The Way You are Now {Eddie Age 4}

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