Breathe Om

UPDATED: Learning To Breathe (Again)

I was given some breathing meditation exercises to help me stay in the moment because people have been getting on my nerves and when people get on my nerves I tend to perseverate on them and I hate that I think about them so much and talk to them about their no good very badness instead of living my very wonderful life but I can’t think my way out of thinking so I needed to take actions to help me stop thinking about annoying people.


All I do is breathe in and out. IT’S AWFUL. I’ll probably die of breathing.

My last year of medical school, I took a mindfulness course. I did mindful sitting and eating and a meditation where you’re so meditative that don’t even think about breathing. You don’t even think about thinking. I could meditate like this for 30 minutes straight – like a lump of love with out even realizing I was a lump or love. Now, I can’t even walk into my kitchen without needing to remember to breath.

Stupid people are not only doing things in my present day life, but they’re also reminding me of how awesomely serene I once was. BLAH! ARGH! BLARGH!


See what I mean?

Breathe Om
The other option was a photo of me flicking them off. The meditations are working! if you ignore me flicking them off and focus on me not taking a picture of it.

Next up? Brain transplant.

UPDATE: One of my favorite readers is the only person to comment on this post thus far making me feel very unrelatable. However, she said that Jesus is quite fond of meditation so I can only surmise that I am the next messiah. Also, the Dalai Lama implied the next DL will be a woman so that’s also a possibility as is my ability to offend many people at once. I expect no comments at all from here on out.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

11 thoughts to “UPDATED: Learning To Breathe (Again)”

  1. Hello lovely – you look very nice when you’re breathing.

    When I’m in that place I meditate on each individual word of Philippians 4:4-8
    whatever is true – God is not annoying and he loves me.
    whatever is noble – being secure enough in God’s love to forgive glaring flaws in others
    whatever is right – forgiveness and love is right – always.
    whatever is pure – baby breath (etc)

  2. When I had to breathe that much? I quit my job. True story. Now I will be doing tech support over the phone. What was I thinking? Lol!

  3. I can’t do the mindfulness thing. I can’t. I just don’t know how to tell my brain that it needs to participate and to allow my lungs to take over and pretend that it’s shut off like I’m dead or something but then I remember that I’m breathing which means I’m alive and I have a fucking giant pile of laundry to do.

  4. I had to come comment because you said no one commented, but that was days and days ago and I am late, so now there are comments.

    Plus my comment is lame, but true. I hate when people tell me to breathe. I want to punch them. And then I get all focussy on the breathing and I some how screw it up and end up having an anxiety attack.

    Anyway. I have been gone from here too long. Dang real life.

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