Wedding Boots

Who Can Take Themselves Seriously In Red Velour?

I have a terrible talent. I am exceedingly good at taking myself too seriously. I have been for most of my life. Yay?

When I have an exam, social event, or even a parent-teacher conference to attend, I fret about the timing and the prepping and the Q&A and who will like me and who will not like me and who didn’t talk to whom and what did I say and what didn’t I say. I usually conclude that the world will, is and has ended.

I am the human apocalypse.

Thus, over the years, I have developed a trick to combat this special gift of mine.

During exam week in medical school, I put buns in my hair. Not just one ballet bun or a Princess Leia hairdo, but three, four or five buns placed sporadically about my head. As if that wasn’t enough, I often wore my red velour sweatsuit that I bought with my mom so we could pick up my sister from the airport in the most embarrassing manner possible. I chose this ensemble because it is impossible to assume your biochemistry grade will determine the rest of your life’s happiness, or your microbiology exam will save the world, with five lopsided buns above zip-up red velour. {sadly I have no photos}

On my wedding day, when I could’ve become bridezilla ranting over every last detail, instead of remembering that I was marrying the love of my life in front of our friends and family and some people only my parents knew but insisted on inviting anyway, I chose to wear white go-go boots under my simple and proper white wedding dress and long veil. Knee-high platform boots allow no bride to get too big for her petticoats.

Wedding Boots

When I traveled to my first ever company event at their headquarters, I brought my crazy cat lady earrings just in case I decided to think I was some important blogger and not just Alex at Late Enough who likes to take cats videos.

Cat Earrings
The subtle crazy cat lady

But lately there haven’t been enough ways to keep myself out of my way. The war is on with real people having imagined conversations in my head. There are no benefits of the doubt. There are no second chances. There are no other possible outcomes. People are definitely thinking about me a lot or so my superpower says and it’s not good. Not good at all. My only chance is to think about them more and I am. {sigh}

So if anyone sees me with three ponytails, bright red lipstick, four scarves, a turquoise fringe cotton jump suit and high-topped rainbow boots with black laces, I’m just trying to maintain some perspective. Feel free to lend me some gaudy earrings and a hug.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

8 thoughts on “Who Can Take Themselves Seriously In Red Velour?

  1. So that’s what it’s called… “taking myself too seriously”. I have a lot of those horrible conversations in my head along with the thought reading of other people even though I am not endowed with psychic abilities. It sadly gets the best of me many times for important and extremely unimportant moments.

    I need to try your “flare” tactic. See if that helps.

    1. The worst part is out of the 49 conversations I have in my head? The 50th version actually happens. So ponytails and silly socks and unitards it is. Welcome to the club.

  2. I have this super power too and I don’t like it. My mom is like my Kryptonite. I can’t spell that. I am not a big enough Superman lover to go Google the spelling, plus I am lazy. Anyways, I will go on an on about how “people” think blah, blah, blah and say, bippity flop, flop and my mom will be all, “Who said that exactly? Which people?” That’s when I am forced to admit that it was only what I imagined those people were thinking or saying. All the conversations happened in my head. Meanwhile, none of those people even noticed I existed, probably. All because I think I am so important and that my saying the wrong thing eight years ago made a huge impact on the world today as we know it. Yes, I still replay conversations from 8 years ago in my head sometimes, when I am having a bad day. I also think one wrong move today will lead to homelessness, destitution and starvation tomorrow. On good days I can laugh at myself, but sometimes it’s not that easy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.