Magenta stains on my yoga pants

I Am Running On Furry Slippers And Dirty Pants

The last 24-36 hours have been hectic because my daughter was up all night sick and we weren’t sure what was wrong. My husband is also sick, but we at least know he has a virus. And I’m pretending I just have allergies because it might be true.

At this point, I’m running on pink furry slippers, dirty pants, and Netflix. It actually took me the last 10 hours to figure out that the magenta stains on my I-have-not-done-yoga-in-six-months yoga pants match the magenta stains on my son’s chest because they are the same shade of lipstick my daughter put on her girl Hot Wheels cars this morning and not because we are all going to die of a very pretty plague.

Poor E
This happened three minutes AFTER bath. Pretty plagues are like that. PS. He’s making a fake sad face so don’t feel too sorry for him.
Magenta stains on my yoga pants
Not that it stopped me from wearing them all day.

I must have sat next to her hot Hot Wheels, and E carried them up to bed for her.

Meanwhile, my cats, being cat-like, were feeling left out of the fun so around the high point, which is really the low point because it was at midnight and all I wanted to do was fix whatever was ailing N and have us all go back to sleep, the oldest cat took it upon himself to puke up everything he’d eaten in the last year.

At first, I wasn’t too upset at Loki because he hadn’t puked on my bed or anyone’s only pair of clean underwear or my sick kid. It was on a chest that my husband built many years ago. This chest is hefty and solid and will one day be brought into The Antique Roadshow only to be told: Oh, your neighbor down the street built it when he was bored one weekend.

Homemade Wooden Chest
The lighting and my photog skills do not do Scott’s handiwork justice.

I love this chest, and I show that love by keeping my most treasured clothing in it: my pajamas. Cat puke seemed like something this wooden box of awesome could handle. Except when I wiped up the vomit, I realized what homemade really means: Imperfections. The wood doesn’t quite touch the wood planks next to it. No big deal to pajamas. Very big deal to cat puke. I slowly lifted the lid to find drips that had already met my sacred pjs. I also discovered that I had inadvertently sealed the chest wood with partially digested cat food.

Vomit in between the wood
That is not the golden hue of the wood glistening. That’s the puke that I can’t pretend isn’t there.
Cat Convention
My cats quickly held a cat convention while I debated what to do, and they unanimously decided to be completely unhelpful.

There’s no Pinterest board for getting puke out of DIY projects so I improvised with paper towels. Many, many paper towels slid carefully in between the wood as I threaded vomit out and listened for Scott and our very sick daughter.

Paper towel that out
I should have just made this post a puke tutorial and WON PINTEREST.

With my pajamas finally safe, I could go back to thinking my daughter might not survive the night. But she did. We all did. N feels a bit better today because it’s probably a virus, and lipstick and puke are not permanent although I’m pretty sure parental sleep-deprivation is.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

6 thoughts to “I Am Running On Furry Slippers And Dirty Pants”

  1. Well I am happy you survived and oh my I hope you get some sleep! It’s never just one thing. And isn’t it true everyone has to be in on the game. If its not the cat it’s your other child making sure you haven’t forgotten them or even your hubs. I am happy your daughter is on the mend. I also hate those not knowing colds/ sicknesses. I hope there is a lot of sleep in your future.

  2. Dude. Cats puking are a regular thing around here. Our female cat has been puking since day 1 and the vets have always blown it off. We think she might be bulimic since she eats, barfs, then eats some more. The other one is just getting old.

    Hope everyone is doing better and you can stay puke free!

  3. This line is so hilarious, “There’s no Pinterest board for getting puke out of DIY projects….”

    You need to invent a Pinterest for real people with DIY solutions that people would actually use/need. Tutorials for cat puke removal, how to collect poop for your doctors visit, meals for people with three ingredients or less that don’t require preparation and can also be eaten in front of the TV…I would subscribe in a heart beat.

    I hope everyone is feeling better and you haven’t caught the dreaded virus!

  4. Dude. You can absolutely pretend not to see puke.
    I have a master’s degree in it.

    Pretty sure.

    And I, too, would have worn those yoga pants with the magenta stains.
    In fact, I may have a pair on myself right now…

    p.s. I’m also pretty sure I saw on Facebook that you ended up getting sick, too. Hope EVERYONE is feeling better for Mother’s Day, mama. You are one of the very best ones.

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