My Body Performed Miracles And I Am Not Talking About Boring Stuff Like Birth

I’ve been complaining so much about my stomach that I thought I would focus on more positive things about my body. Miracles, really.

I’ve gotten taller.

Not driver’s license taller where they ask how tall I am and I say 5’6 because my dentist once predicted I would be that tall from a x-ray he took just before I got braces in fifth grade but actually I stopped growing a year later. I finally gave up in 2006 and put my average and accurate 5’4 on my driver’s license because if I was to fall unconscious, they would be looking for the very tall Alex Iwashyna to find my emergency contact. But I went to the doctor and measured 5’4 and a three-quarters-of-an-inch. I’ve either gotten taller in the last year or rulers have been affected by the recession. Also, in 2016, I’m so rounding up at the DMV mostly to allow EMTs to do their job.

My boobs grew.

No, I’m not pregnant, but there’s a story whispered among first time pregnant moms after the reassurance that some women’s breast stay the same after birth and breastfeeding. That alone is a miracle these other more experienced moms admonish with a wag of their finger. There are moms whose boobs get smaller. Well, I didn’t think I could go back to training bras so I told them to STOP TALKING IMMEDIATELY. But one mom said that there’s a mom of a mom of a mom friend whose boobs got bigger after having babies. Not flatter. Not medically induced. They just got bigger. Like thank you notes on her chest. Well, I am that mom friend. Ever since my second pregnancy, my cup size keeps increasing like I’m wearing the national debt on my chest.

Clearly, I’m in a second adolescence at 34 years old.


That would also explain my deep understanding of Congress, my love of my blog, and why I spent yesterday reading xoJane. This stomach thing is probably just nerves about prom and if Scott likes me or LIKE likes me.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

9 thoughts to “My Body Performed Miracles And I Am Not Talking About Boring Stuff Like Birth”

  1. I got taller too! A full inch. The doctor asked if I’d been doing pilates or yoga.

    On a related note, I’m now doing yoga in the hopes of one day being 5’6″.

  2. My bewbs shrunk so much that I sometimes mistake them as being extra freakish belly buttons.
    I grew. Well it was the help of a artificial disc that was hammered in my spine. It was almost a full inch. So now I’m 5’5. Whoot. In other related news my feet got wider after pregnancy.

  3. My eyesight got dramatically better after pregnancy. To the point where I no longer needed to wear glasses (until about now– and it’s almost time to go back to wearing them). I’d never heard of this before (yeah, my feet got bigger and my hips wider, and my boobs never got smaller, although I made my mom promise me they would), but I guess this can sometimes happen! I always thought that was a pretty cool trick my body played.

  4. my bewbs are bigger too. I didn’t even GET bewbs until I was 25 and then after having kids they just stayed.

    Also? I would have not guessed you were shorter than me. Good to know because when I look for you in Chicago I would have looked for someone taller than I am.

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