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We Want To Party Without Dad At The Funeral

by Alex Iwashyna

in Cultural Norms (that are abnormal), God (spirituality and religion), My Daughter, My Son

The kids: What’s a funeral?

Me: It’s when family and friends come together to celebrate and remember someone who died.

The kids: Why can’t we go to the funeral?

Me: Well, Dada thought we shouldn’t all go this time, but I promise when my Nana dies, we will all go.

E: No! We can all go but Dad. He always going to all these funeral parties without us so we are leaving HIM behind. Just you, me and N. He can come to the party when you die, Mama.

{mumble math mumblemumble}

E: When you’re 99.

N: It’s going to be so sad when Mama dies.

E: Nope. We’re going to be grownups by then. We won’t need her.

N {indignant}: I’ll still need her and be with her.

E: Well, you can’t because she’ll be dead.

N: Okay.

Well, at least, I’ve taught them not to be afraid of partying, and I get to live to be 99 years old.


Photo Source: TheTim on Flickr

Oh, and anyone who thinks it’s morbid to talk about someone dying, guess what, human? We all die, and I’d rather my kids attend my death party than be relegated to their nightmares. Plus, if I get to live as long and be as kind as any nana on my side or my husband’s side, I will be more than happy to go when it’s time. I don’t want my children to be afraid of death anymore than I want them to be afraid of birth. Of course, I don’t want them to think death (or birth) is so awesome that they run towards it extra earlier, but if there is one thing we all have in common, rich or poor, kind or mean, famous or infamous, it’s dying so they might as well get used to it.


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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Tracey February 13, 2013 1

Love this post. Is it bad that I snorted out loud at the Happy Wednesday? Because I totally did.


Alex Iwashyna February 13, 2013 2

No way. I consider snorts verbal high-fives.


Gail February 13, 2013 3

hehe…when my great-grandmother died I thought she had been buried under the clothes line in the back yard. I was about 5 at the time.


Tracie February 13, 2013 4

I pretty much love this. Your kids make me smile.


Chara February 13, 2013 5

I love how matter of fact E is here. A great memory to have and I’m sure Nana would get a kick out of it.


Leigh Ann February 14, 2013 6

Death party? Count me in.


erin February 14, 2013 7

THESE are the moments I know exactly why I read you. I’m very upfront about death with my son. You SERIOUSLY help validate and normalize me/us/it/awkwardness/rainbow flags/not showering/hating smalltalk/rescuing dogs/etc….. all. the. time. We are either brilliant or insane. But at least I know I’m not alone.


Kimberly February 15, 2013 8

My kid asked my Dad if he was going to heaven soon because he has grey ear hair…no lie.
Note to self: Buying Dad a ear hair trimmer is a good gift idea for xmas.


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