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My New Year’s Resolutions Yell At Me

by Alex Iwashyna

in Holidays, Is It Just Me?

It’s barely been 2013, and I’ve saved the world at least twice, and by “save the world” I mean I had my children countdown to New Year’s Eve with a London YouTube video at 7:15 p.m. EST, and we all went to bed because I’m a genius.
(click here if you can’t see the video)

A mere eighteen hours later, I was informed by a freader, after I posted about wanting to be more supportive of our awkward community: reading your blog helped 5 months of bed rest fly by. Besides my new plan to change my tagline to “Makes Bed rest Fly By,” I’m pretty sure that’s another world saving moment.

I should probably go into hibernation for the rest of the year since I’ve clearly used up my awesomeness in the first 36 hours, but instead I’ve decided to have some New Year’s Resolutions. Like many of cool people, my friend, Nicole, is only allowing herself only one word, and my friend, Ellie, is making one word necklaces because she’s savvy and artsy, but the only time I’ve ever got my life down to one word was ALAKAZAM! and no one on Twitter would tell me if it is a magic word or I’m offending someone in a language I don’t speak. Either way, I have four cats and a puppy so a rabbit would be overwhelming, and I’m quite good at offending people already so I’m thinking my New Year’s resolutions should be a series phrases by stick figure yelling at me:

Go To Bed New Year's Resolution

Unfriend Her New Year's Resolutions

They should definitely get exasperated with me…

Unfriend her already New Year's Resolutions

And they should always be lazy with me…

Lazy New Year's Resolution

I probably should’ve drawn this guy laying down.

PS. People liked these drawings so much, they asked me to add customizable ones to my Zazzle store. You’re welcome: New Year’s Resolution Yelling Posters

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

Leigh Ann January 2, 2013 1

Dude! This is how resolutions were meant to be! You could add a less aggressive guy saying “At least HIDE her…”

I need one that says “Run!” and possibly “Step away from the Pirate Booty!”

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Alex Iwashyna January 2, 2013 2

I need the yell-iest guys out there because I’m a terrible listener. In fact, I need a guy yelling LISTEN!

PS. There’s a surprise for you on your Facebook page.

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Absence of alternatives January 2, 2013 3

Do it tomorrow. indeed. This is a sage advice. The overachievers amongst us could really follow that advice. Also, didn’t the princess in the 1001 Arabian Night employ a similar technique to save herself and change the king to a better person? (at least he stopped being a serial killer…) So, see, you saved the world yet again.

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Sarah January 2, 2013 4

Can I get a resolution stick figure that’s telling me to chill out, already? I think that could come in handy for me! And is totally related to my non-resolution this year.

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Alex Iwashyna January 2, 2013 5

Of course, you can. I’ll pop it up on your facebook page later today. xo

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Sarah January 2, 2013 6

Hooray! You’re awesome.

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Brook January 2, 2013 7

Probably one should yell, “What? I can’t hear you over all this yelling!”

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Alex Iwashyna January 2, 2013 8

I almost made one yelling LISTEN but the irony killed him.

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Brook January 2, 2013 9

WHAT’S ALL THE RUCKUS?

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Katie January 2, 2013 10

Is that dude also flipping you off? Because seriously? Asshole move on his part.

I need most of those things yelled at me too. Can I borrow your flip off dude?

But I also need one that yells, “DON’T POST THAT STATUS. NO…DON’T!”

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Alex Iwashyna January 2, 2013 11

I pictured it as more of a finger waggle but he’s pretty angry.

And your borrowed stickman will be on your FB page shortly.

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Lady Jennie January 2, 2013 12

*giggle*

I can’t make go to bed my resolution because I already do it nearly every day (for a nap). The two big bummers about having kids that are growing up is

1) no real excuse for a nap
2) can’t blame them for the stains on my shirt.

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Skye January 2, 2013 13

These are awesome. I think I need one that says “Stop making resolutions! You know you’ll never keep them!” Sigh.

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Alex Iwashyna January 2, 2013 14

Stickman coming your way. I’ll email it to you when I’m done. And probably before tomorrow because I’m breaking resolutions right and left.

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Kristin @ What She Said January 2, 2013 15

I like this! I think if I drew stick figures yelling New Year’s resolutions at me, I’d not only make them, but actually keep them as well!

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Tracie January 2, 2013 16

I love a stick figure that yells at me to be more lazy.

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Alex Iwashyna January 2, 2013 17

That’s my favorite one, too.

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Galit Breen January 2, 2013 18

Hee! I think you’re onto something with your yell-y guys! Love!

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Laverne January 3, 2013 19

I like the idea of Alakazam as a resolution! You must offend people often because I never would have thought that would offend anyone and seriously a magical resolution…awesome! Your little stick figure guy… oh my had me in stitches. But your best work and most laughs were in the comments. Just think of all those lives your stick man red bubble guy enriched. Yell at me is for sure a resolution no mom could break!!! LOVE IT!!

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Alex Iwashyna January 3, 2013 20

I should’ve drawn a stickman yelling alakazam but would he have disappeared? hmm…

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Shari Lopatin January 3, 2013 21

I love the “unfriend her now!” because haven’t we all thought that and wondered why the hell we hadn’t done it yet? LOL!

I just found your blog from the SheKnows.com list of funny bloggers. “Liked” you on Facebook, and I agree with your most recent post: decaf IS rude!

Nice to meet you,
Shari

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Alex Iwashyna January 3, 2013 22

Feel free to take that stickman wherever you need. We can all use a little yelling and a little less decaf.

Welcome to our awkward community,
Alex

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Lily from It's A Dome Life January 3, 2013 23

Unfriend her now! Do it tomorrow. Sage advice. Sometimes I am too rash and other times way too slow. It would be really cool if you made these stick figures printable with little, empty speech bubbles so we could print them out, fill them in and paste them to our walls and bathroom mirrors. Floss Your teeth! Oh, I could totally see using these on other people. In the movie theater I could hand someone one that says, “Stop Texting!” If I had one that said, “Go To Bed!” I would probably just make another one that said, “In a minute.” Oh! If I were single, and brave and went to bars I would hand them out to movie stars and have them say, “Call me, maybe?” Then I would be both culturally relevant and funny. So much potential here! I hear Zazzle calling…just saying.

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Alex Iwashyna January 6, 2013 24

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