Unfriend Her New Year's Resolutions

My New Year’s Resolutions Yell At Me

It’s barely been 2013, and I’ve saved the world at least twice, and by “save the world” I mean I had my children countdown to New Year’s Eve with a London YouTube video at 7:15 p.m. EST, and we all went to bed because I’m a genius.
(click here if you can’t see the video)

A mere eighteen hours later, I was informed by a freader, after I posted about wanting to be more supportive of our awkward community: reading your blog helped 5 months of bed rest fly by. Besides my new plan to change my tagline to “Makes Bed rest Fly By,” I’m pretty sure that’s another world saving moment.

I should probably go into hibernation for the rest of the year since I’ve clearly used up my awesomeness in the first 36 hours, but instead I’ve decided to have some New Year’s Resolutions. Like many of cool people, my friend, Nicole, is only allowing herself only one word, and my friend, Ellie, is making one word necklaces because she’s savvy and artsy, but the only time I’ve ever got my life down to one word was ALAKAZAM! and no one on Twitter would tell me if it is a magic word or I’m offending someone in a language I don’t speak. Either way, I have four cats and a puppy so a rabbit would be overwhelming, and I’m quite good at offending people already so I’m thinking my New Year’s resolutions should be a series phrases by stick figure yelling at me:

Go To Bed New Year's Resolution

Unfriend Her New Year's Resolutions

They should definitely get exasperated with me…

Unfriend her already New Year's Resolutions

And they should always be lazy with me…

Lazy New Year's Resolution

I probably should’ve drawn this guy laying down.

PS. People liked these drawings so much, they asked me to add customizable ones to my Zazzle store. You’re welcome: New Year’s Resolution Yelling Posters

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

26 thoughts to “My New Year’s Resolutions Yell At Me”

  1. Dude! This is how resolutions were meant to be! You could add a less aggressive guy saying “At least HIDE her…”

    I need one that says “Run!” and possibly “Step away from the Pirate Booty!”

  2. Do it tomorrow. indeed. This is a sage advice. The overachievers amongst us could really follow that advice. Also, didn’t the princess in the 1001 Arabian Night employ a similar technique to save herself and change the king to a better person? (at least he stopped being a serial killer…) So, see, you saved the world yet again.

  3. Can I get a resolution stick figure that’s telling me to chill out, already? I think that could come in handy for me! And is totally related to my non-resolution this year.

  4. Is that dude also flipping you off? Because seriously? Asshole move on his part.

    I need most of those things yelled at me too. Can I borrow your flip off dude?

    But I also need one that yells, “DON’T POST THAT STATUS. NO…DON’T!”

  5. *giggle*

    I can’t make go to bed my resolution because I already do it nearly every day (for a nap). The two big bummers about having kids that are growing up is

    1) no real excuse for a nap
    2) can’t blame them for the stains on my shirt.

  6. I like the idea of Alakazam as a resolution! You must offend people often because I never would have thought that would offend anyone and seriously a magical resolution…awesome! Your little stick figure guy… oh my had me in stitches. But your best work and most laughs were in the comments. Just think of all those lives your stick man red bubble guy enriched. Yell at me is for sure a resolution no mom could break!!! LOVE IT!!

  7. I love the “unfriend her now!” because haven’t we all thought that and wondered why the hell we hadn’t done it yet? LOL!

    I just found your blog from the SheKnows.com list of funny bloggers. “Liked” you on Facebook, and I agree with your most recent post: decaf IS rude!

    Nice to meet you,

  8. Unfriend her now! Do it tomorrow. Sage advice. Sometimes I am too rash and other times way too slow. It would be really cool if you made these stick figures printable with little, empty speech bubbles so we could print them out, fill them in and paste them to our walls and bathroom mirrors. Floss Your teeth! Oh, I could totally see using these on other people. In the movie theater I could hand someone one that says, “Stop Texting!” If I had one that said, “Go To Bed!” I would probably just make another one that said, “In a minute.” Oh! If I were single, and brave and went to bars I would hand them out to movie stars and have them say, “Call me, maybe?” Then I would be both culturally relevant and funny. So much potential here! I hear Zazzle calling…just saying.

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