Do you know those people who use your kids as excuses for things? Like when your family tries to include Great Aunt Myrtle in what is supposed to be a small family dinner by saying: Oh but your kids LOVE her. Well have I got the answer for you (they sound better spoken aloud because I decided to rhyme them).
Well, my kids also love stray cats covered in fleas.
Their own burps, dead worms and most rotting trees.
They cheer loud and clear whenever I say poop or if I decide to make a dinner of leftover soup.
I’m not really sure that they’re a great test for whether Aunt Myrtle would be a good guest.
Or I’ll be in a store trying to buy a birthday present for a kid that I don’t know, but my son insists is in his class. My kid is half-looking at a toy while I try to figure out what made-up-Jonny likes to do, and the salesperson wanders over and pretends that ALL THE KIDS LOVE whatever $50 crap my kid isn’t even looking at anymore.
Well, my kids also love shiny pennies on the ground.
And anything that makes loud, awful sounds.
I once bribed them with a lollipop I found in my glove box and the chance to wear my turquoise, teddy bear, heart socks.
So if you’ve decided to give a gift choice, I’m pretty sure my kids should not have a voice.
I figured if I spoke in rhymes to these people, they might actually listen. That’s how Dr. Seuss did it, right?
Or maybe I need more coffee.