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I Married The Guy From Memento

by Alex Iwashyna

in Marriage

The other night Scott came home, and I was distracted and worried about work so I paid very little attention to what he was saying.

The next morning he said: It would’ve been nice if you asked how my meeting went.

Me: Seriously? You really want to do this? (I’m not exactly a morning person, but really? A memory-off?)

Scott: Um, I think so.

Me: Your meeting went okay. You felt worried about J but you eventually felt better as the hour went on and C seems to be going well for you. Oh and your running shoes got wet.

Scott: You’re just saying back the three random lines I happened to say. You never ASKED me how the meeting went.

Me: Fine. You’re right, but why didn’t I ask you? Do you remember why?

Scott: Well… hmm…. umm… let’s see…

Me: Was I worried about something? Do you have any idea what it was that had me so distracted? No. Look, you win at being nice to me. You teach me generosity and forgiveness of others so your constant forgetting what I’ve told you in the last 12 hours will always be canceled out by flowers and hugs and how excited you are when I tell you it’s pizza night again. But I win at remembering that in five minutes the kids need to go to school, you need to go to work and no one is wearing pants while simultaneously emailing the kids’ teacher about snack time, paying a doctor bill, solving a client’s crisis, and asking if you have to round on a baby at the hospital at lunchtime or if we can eat together because we haven’t seen each other in a week. So don’t play memory games with me because you already get to be the nice one. 

I think this is called playing to our strengths.

However, my husband has decided to start photo documenting our disagreements so he can remember exactly what was said for future reference. I now get texts with our arguments such as the time we debated whether we went into a Walgreens or a Duane Reade after meeting Hello Scam Artist Kitty.

Me saying Walgreens

I’m saying Walgreens

Scott saying Duane Reade

He’s saying Duane Reade.

Random text

If this doesn’t work, he’s re-watching Memento with permanent marker, but I plan to interrupt him in the middle with, How was your day, honey?, and he’ll never remember the beginning by the end. Bwahahahaha. Wait, I don’t think this helps me at all.

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Lady Jennie January 29, 2013 1

In other words, he’s a man and you’re a woman.

(Don’t read anything sexist in that comment. No seriously. Don’t beat me up! Scott! Heeeelp!)

ha ha

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Absence of alternatives January 29, 2013 2

Never ever volunteer to be the nice one. That’s my cryptic message of wisdom of the day.

So, how did his meeting go? I really want to know now…

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Alex Iwashyna January 29, 2013 3

Dude, he doesn’t remember how the meeting went.
Ps. I didn’t know these were volunteer positions. I’m kinda pissed.

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Jackie January 29, 2013 4

LOL!! Taking pics… good tactic! I’d like to see how it works out now.

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Missy January 29, 2013 5

I think photo documenting arguments is one of the best ideas, ever. Gonna clear some space on my iPhone right now so we have room for plenty of pictures. Ha.

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Chara January 29, 2013 6

Love that movie!!!!! Sometimes I wish the mister would document information I tell him. I’d like to proofread it first however.

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Kristin Shaw (Two Cannoli) January 29, 2013 7

Ha ha ha ha! My husband never remembers what I tell him. I’m going to start documenting.

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Walt January 29, 2013 8

If he using pictures, I suggest escalating to video as your defense. Install security cameras in every room. And the cars. You might want do contact various store managers and ask for copies of their tapes (This works IRL, I’ve done just that).

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Chrisor January 29, 2013 9

My hubby is the exact same way EXCEPT WORSE. He’s never had a memory since the day we met. His can’t get any worse. Mine was flawless until a few years ago, now I feel like I’m losing more memory every day. I often tell him “Remind me to…” and then think “what am I even saying? He’ll never remember in 5 minutes!”. Unfortunately, I think this is a common male problem. They don’t like to pay attention when we talk… :(

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Alex Iwashyna January 29, 2013 10

I feel like mine is getting worse too. I have to keep a to-do list and reminders when before if I wrote it down once (or even was just told it once), it was locked down forever. But I still out-remember him so I wear my Memory Superstar with pride.

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Lily from It's A Dome Life January 29, 2013 11

This is hilarious. Also, I love the movie Momento. Although, at first I was thinking about the candy memento’s and now I want some.

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Kevin January 29, 2013 12

Um, I think that guy is our pediatrician…

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Laverne January 30, 2013 13

OHHHHHHHHHH this is such a familiar disagreement! I …of course have the better memory. I say of course because I never forget anything and am a mulit-tasking maniac.

Wait what was I saying …

I so can relate though. We always disagree on who said what. Who told what. What plans were made and who forgot to tell who. It keeps life interesting! I LOVE the photo idea though. I am totally stealing it.

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