Scott saying Duane Reade

I Married The Guy From Memento

The other night Scott came home, and I was distracted and worried about work so I paid very little attention to what he was saying.

The next morning he said: It would’ve been nice if you asked how my meeting went.

Me: Seriously? You really want to do this? (I’m not exactly a morning person, but really? A memory-off?)

Scott: Um, I think so.

Me: Your meeting went okay. You felt worried about J but you eventually felt better as the hour went on and C seems to be going well for you. Oh and your running shoes got wet.

Scott: You’re just saying back the three random lines I happened to say. You never ASKED me how the meeting went.

Me: Fine. You’re right, but why didn’t I ask you? Do you remember why?

Scott: Well… hmm…. umm… let’s see…

Me: Was I worried about something? Do you have any idea what it was that had me so distracted? No. Look, you win at being nice to me. You teach me generosity and forgiveness of others so your constant forgetting what I’ve told you in the last 12 hours will always be canceled out by flowers and hugs and how excited you are when I tell you it’s pizza night again. But I win at remembering that in five minutes the kids need to go to school, you need to go to work and no one is wearing pants while simultaneously emailing the kids’ teacher about snack time, paying a doctor bill, solving a client’s crisis, and asking if you have to round on a baby at the hospital at lunchtime or if we can eat together because we haven’t seen each other in a week. So don’t play memory games with me because you already get to be the nice one. 

I think this is called playing to our strengths.

However, my husband has decided to start photo documenting our disagreements so he can remember exactly what was said for future reference. I now get texts with our arguments such as the time we debated whether we went into a Walgreens or a Duane Reade after meeting Hello Scam Artist Kitty.

Me saying Walgreens
I’m saying Walgreens
Scott saying Duane Reade
He’s saying Duane Reade.

Random text

If this doesn’t work, he’s re-watching Memento with permanent marker, but I plan to interrupt him in the middle with, How was your day, honey?, and he’ll never remember the beginning by the end. Bwahahahaha. Wait, I don’t think this helps me at all.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

14 thoughts to “I Married The Guy From Memento”

  1. I think photo documenting arguments is one of the best ideas, ever. Gonna clear some space on my iPhone right now so we have room for plenty of pictures. Ha.

  2. Love that movie!!!!! Sometimes I wish the mister would document information I tell him. I’d like to proofread it first however.

  3. If he using pictures, I suggest escalating to video as your defense. Install security cameras in every room. And the cars. You might want do contact various store managers and ask for copies of their tapes (This works IRL, I’ve done just that).

  4. My hubby is the exact same way EXCEPT WORSE. He’s never had a memory since the day we met. His can’t get any worse. Mine was flawless until a few years ago, now I feel like I’m losing more memory every day. I often tell him “Remind me to…” and then think “what am I even saying? He’ll never remember in 5 minutes!”. Unfortunately, I think this is a common male problem. They don’t like to pay attention when we talk… 🙁

    1. I feel like mine is getting worse too. I have to keep a to-do list and reminders when before if I wrote it down once (or even was just told it once), it was locked down forever. But I still out-remember him so I wear my Memory Superstar with pride.

  5. OHHHHHHHHHH this is such a familiar disagreement! I …of course have the better memory. I say of course because I never forget anything and am a mulit-tasking maniac.

    Wait what was I saying …

    I so can relate though. We always disagree on who said what. Who told what. What plans were made and who forgot to tell who. It keeps life interesting! I LOVE the photo idea though. I am totally stealing it.

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