My eyebrows

Standing Up For My Eyebrows

I have had my eyebrows waxed since I was 11 years old and overheard three girls talking about two eyebrows being far superior to one. I pet my bridge of hair for the last time and begged my mom to remove it. When she refused, I used a razor, and we both decided waxing would be far more humane for everyone involved.

Throughout the years, I have had my share of strange and funny eyebrow experiences, but the majority of my waxing encounters have varied only by my response to the wax-eticians. And finally, at 34 years old, I can say exactly what I need to say to the person holding the hot wax and pointing to my hairy self.

Me: Hi! I’d like my eyebrows waxed. And my upper lip.

(Hey, I’m 25% Italian. We’re pretty. Pretty hairy. Hehhehheh.)

Person With Hot Wax (PWHW): WOW! Your eyebrows are thick. You want me to make them thinner, no?

Me: No. Just clean them up. And make them two eyebrows again.

PWHW: Are you sure?

I study her thin eyebrows for a moment then I waggle my fraggle and say: Yup. I’m the Brooke Shields of my friends rockin’ these eyebrows like it’s 1982.

(My mom must have brought up Brooke Shields eighteen thousand times as my teenage self came home with progressively thinner and thinner eyebrows. I thank God for the Rhode Island wax-etician who put my eyebrows on a six-month-plan grow back plan. She was a true eyebrow connoisseur.)

PWHW: Fine.

Hot wax. RipFlinch.
Hot wax. RipFlinch.
Hot wax. RipFlinch.

Yes, I still flinch after 23 years. It’s the feminist in me.

PWHW: Upper lip, too?

Me: Yup.

PWHW: What about your chin?

My chin is a new area the wax-eticians have begun to ask me now that I’m so upfront about my upper lip. But I don’t fall for it. I know where I have I hair thankyouverymuch. Plus, if she had to ask about upper lip, which is ridiculously obvious, she has no idea what hairy is.

Me: Nope. My chin hairs don’t bother me yet because they aren’t there.

And as I walk out with red marks instead of hair, I put on a proud smile because I kept my eyebrows. Well, 90% of them.

My eyebrows
She over-waxed the middle a bit. Some people can’t leave well-enough alone.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

11 thoughts to “Standing Up For My Eyebrows”

  1. I love your eyebrows so much! I’ve never had anything done to mine. Occasionally stylists suggest it when I get my hair cut but I always say no. I’ve just realized it’s possible that everyone makes fun of my eyebrows behind my back… hmmm.

  2. I have thick eyebrows as well though I don’t have to ever deal with a uni-brow 🙂 Waxing used to be my go to…have you ever tried threading? Not as painful and they can do a great job.

    Both my girls inherited my eyebrows. I see Mother/Daughter salon trips in our futures 🙂

  3. One of my best friends owns a nail salon. She says the “you want me to wax your lip/chin too?” is usually a ploy for more money cuz once you wax even peach fuzz, it grows back thick and dark. Smart girl for not falling for it!

  4. Great eyebrows! I personally love the Brooke look. I have ‘big hair’ myself, as in a big head of long curly hair that ignores gravity. My big hair is not an affectation, it’s for real. And I refuse to hair iron it down because in the 80s society briefly got infatuated with moussing eveyone into a state of big hair. I had big hair before it was cool. I had it after it was cool. Briefly, history was on my side, and I passed for cool.

  5. My mom told me the same Brooke Shields story a million times. I actually started to think maybe Brooke and I were related except she got all of the good looks and movie star genes and I got the witty come backs to mean girls teasing gene.

    I’ve only had my eyebrows waxed once though. I sometimes go a little crazy with the tweezers and have issues…like I can’t stop and then one eyebrow is not like the other. I don’t know why I don’t just keep getting them waxed. Oh! She cut them too because apparently they don’t always know when to stop growing and braiding your eyebrows is weird, obviously.

  6. Mine aren’t super thick, but I get a lot of stragglers so I should get my eyebrows waxed regularly. Unfortunately, the last time I got them waxed, the chick doing it pulled a little too hard and took chunks of skin with it. I had scabs and scar tissue for about two months. Now I’m so skittish I haven’t been back. Sigh.

    1. I don’t get them waxed every time. I pluck in between to space it out and if I have a bad experience, I go somewhere else. Right now I’m loving a nail salon that happens to do waxing, too. It’s cheap and one of the least painful. But you do have to be brave to try again when you get burned (literally).

  7. I love the wax-etician word creation. So funny! I too have had my fair share of eyebrow conundrums. My sister decided to take care of my unsightly (very Asian brows) for me when I was also 11. I too went through the razor stage, the too think stage, the hook stage, and now at 34, I have a super power. I wax my own brows! Great post. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.