Looking For A Friend Named Scott

I’m blahblahblahing about something that I think is hilarious but Scott does not.

Scott: Nobody likes you.

Me: Actually a lot of people like me.

Scott: Nobody named Scott likes you.

Me: Well then, I clearly need more friends named Scott.

Three days later, I’m blahblahblahing onto Scott’s nerves again. (I think it was about the same subject. I have trouble letting go.)

Scott: Nobody likes you.

Me: I think we already established nobody named SCOTT likes me, and I’m going to be remedying this with process. A Scott Friend Application Process.


Since 1880, the name “Scott” was recorded 769,491 times in the Social Security Administration database. (source) Now, a good chunk of those people have died, but I am sure there are a few Scotts who could like me as a friend. Ideally, I am looking for 2-5 for when I get on any other Scotts’ nerves as I would like to be able to always refute the nobody-named-Scott-likes-you argument by pulling another Scott out of my pocket. This is an unpaid position with no mentor as our previous Scott no longer “likes me.”

PS. Apply now! Before I lose this fight.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

8 thoughts to “Looking For A Friend Named Scott”

  1. I have an uncle named Scott, and I’m pretty sure he’d like you, in a very non-creepy way even! 🙂

    P.S.- I bet your husband secretly likes you.

  2. You might want to look into some cardboard cut-out stand-ins of Scott (like Obama has) so you can just line them up. They could all be wearing shirts that say, “I like you.”

    They are also good for photo shoots.

    Oh! Or get another puppy and name him Scott because puppies always like you and they don’t care if you talk day and night. I am pretty sure they prefer it actually. Plus, it would be hilarious when you call “Scott” to come inside. What will the neighbors think? They will say, “She named the dog after her husband, bless her heart.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.