Tent bed awesomeness

We Know How To Prep For The Apocalypse In Any Franken-Form

I wasn’t planning to take this hurricane seriously because we survived 6 days without power last year and for that amazing feat I got my photography posted all over the country while wrapped in power cords seated my portable generator.

homes generator surge late enough
Um, this was unexpected.

Plus, we removed a giant dying tree from our front yard last week so we probably won’t die, but Sandy has an amazing PR team, and when they renamed it FRANKENSTORM, I was hooked. I just can’t resist an apocalyptic storm prep…

1. We bought more water (our zombie water leaked), and I hid it all over the house in case we are trapped in the bathroom and can only reach Harry Potters bedroom.

Hidden Water
It’s also a great hiding place because eventually a wizard will come and take us to Hogwarts.

2. We have antibiotics to stave off infection when the hospitals are overrun because my kids had strep throats for the first time 10 days ago and I became convinced I had it. A negative strep test later that my husband barely survived proved I just needed a nap, but I got a bag full of antibiotic samples out of it.

Throat swab FB status

3. We can live on Pop Tarts and Balance bar to get all our vitamin and mineral needs (IT SAYS SO ON THE BOX).

Pop Tarts Storm Gear

4. My kids’ school is already canceled (it hasn’t even rained yet), I am fully┬áprepared to entertain them with games such as PRETEND A TREE IS FALLING INTO THE ROOM YOU’RE IN NOW RUN AWAY and MOM IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WHAT DO YOU DO (the latter one also allows me to nap).

5. We also cleaned up our yard so nothing we own would impale anyone. A plus, if that anyone is human. A minus, if it starts raining zombies or vampires. I also appreciated the email asking me to remove any possible campaigns signs from my yard (I have none — don’t be surprised. I’m pretty sure everyone in my neighborhood knows for whom I’m voting). I’d like to think this was a thoughtful gesture, but I can envision all too well what impaling the wrong person can do to one’s reputation.

6. We didn’t setup this tent specifically for Frankenstorm (it’s been up for weeks), but if this storm really goes super, we are all sleeping it.

Tent bed awesomeness
Feel free to mail the parenting award to us when we have mail again.

Why will we all sleep under the great blue tent? Well mostly for our PR team pictures as we emerge from the rubble of this storm to make a new life for ourselves. A better life. One where we appreciate what Pop Tarts and Halloween and putting away the garden rake really means for me and you and 1/3 of the United States who are going through Frankenstorm.

And to the rest of the country and the world, who will in few days wish we would stop complaining? Don’t worry. We will. Once we get our Internet back.

PS. The awkward humor of this post is how I deal with weird giant storms. However, I am also thinking and praying for those who have been and will be seriously hurt by Frankenstorm. Laugh, pray, repeat would be my church’s mantra.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

7 thoughts to “We Know How To Prep For The Apocalypse In Any Franken-Form”

  1. I was without power for a couple of months after Ivan hit in 2004, and I’m still complaining about it (see? I just did it again), so I have no room to judge your complaining. Also, world without internet is not fun.

    Now that I know setting up Harry Potter’s room with water is the key to proper storm preparation, I can be more prepared in the future.

    Pop Tarts are key to any storm preparation. And most Mondays. I’m eating a brown sugar cinnamon one right now.

    In all seriousness, I’m praying for you and everyone in the path of the storm.

  2. So very accurate! I just finished eating all my egg beats because I didn’t want them to go bad when the power goes out (out of spite) and knew I should bulk up on protein since we’ll be surviving on pumpkin bread that I made last night.

  3. Brilliant idea to add Pop-tarts to the list of emergency supplies. I don’t know why I never thought of that before. Clearly, all this Frankenstorm talk has rattled me and clouded my reasoning abilities. Take care. Hope that you are safe.

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