I have trouble distinguishing my left from my right. When I hold up my hands, they both look like Js to me. But one quirk has gotten me through for a long time… I can only wink my left eye.
I guess the muscles of the left side of my face are just more agile and strong. They aren’t as needy. My left eye is an independent eye.
My right side demands that everyone does what its doing. I’M CLOSED SO EVERYONE SHOULD CLOSE RIGHT NOW. And it’s always been that way, which is good because I can quickly remember which way is left or right.
I never wanted anyone to know that I couldn’t remember my right from my left though because it seemed like such basic knowledge. I was heading to an Ivy League school and all my classmates to my left thought that I was hitting on them in physics.
One day, I said to myself: Alex, we are going to embrace our oddness. And just as the second toe being longer than the big toe is a sign of royalty (or so I’ve heard and thought while looking at my feet), I deemed being able to only wink my left eye as is a sign of being a god. What? I was the only one I knew with this quirk so why not make it mean something fantastic?
The problem with this plan of god-hood is over that the years, I have been strengthening my right side. I’ve been practicing right-eye winking when no one was looking because I want to be a fully winky mortal with just enough of difference to still find my way home with google map and taking a left turn or a right turn.
I’ve gotten pretty good as of late.
Okay fine. I’m still a god. At least, I’ll never get lost. Or die.
PS. I’ve never taken my picture winking my right eye. OMG I can’t believe how many times I’ve done that in public while I’m explaining my weird left eye right eye phenomenon. I thought the looks were just about how freaky my ability to wink only one side was. I was so very wrong.
UPDATE: PPS. Thanks to Megan’s comment, I’ve decided that anyone who sends me a picture of themselves testing that right-eye wink before Friday (because you know you’ll do it while reading), I’ll put it in my Friday post. So far I have one. She’ll be a STAR!
PPPS. Remember that the camera is like a mirror when taking selfies.