What I Have Learned From The Sidelines Of The Local Rec Leagues

We have added two sports rec leagues to our lives. My husband is playing on a “dudes in their thirties” soccer team, and my son is playing flag football for the first time.

He’s saying: I have 3 sacks in 3 games, baby.

While I have yet to join the Cross-Country and Track League because I’m already running in circles after my 3-year-old (bahdupbump), I’m certainly learning a lot on the sidelines.

What I learned about the 6-year-old Flag Football League:

  1. Instead of teaching the basics of football, most flag football coaches will only teach trick plays so their team can win even though we don’t keep score at this age.
  2. One flag football coach will have a PLAY BOOK even though 90% of his team cannot read.
  3. Getting back our refs from the NFL was more helpful than I expected.
  4. Whenever someone on the sideline says “I’ll just blog about that” in a condescending tone (which has happened exactly twice), I will become paranoid and debate whether I need to take the person’s photo to intimidate them.
  5. My son can play football for the rest of his life because I was born to jump up  and down like a fool screaming: GO D!!! (As in “Go defense,” not “God” although I imagine, down the line, praying will be involved.)

What I learned about the 30s Futbol (Soccer) League:

  1. A Sunday morning league actually meets on Sunday afternoons and sometimes Tuesday nights.
  2. Instead of bringing water, oranges and pretzels, the players fight over ankle braces, medical tape and icy hot.
  3. 30-year-old men playing rec soccer will say, “I’m a caveman and have to play this way” after they knock the normal 30-year-old men down.
  4. My husband has hurt his head, back, groin, hip, ankle and foot. However, the team sub broke his knee so can’t kick to the left making Scott a star player.
  5. The winning team can’t just say to a teammate “great move.” The winning team must say in front of the losing team, “Great move. Way to make him look like an idiot.” Maybe the guy also coaches kindergarteners in flag football?

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

8 thoughts to “What I Have Learned From The Sidelines Of The Local Rec Leagues”

  1. My son’s soccer coach has earned my eternal respect. He said that those dads on the sideline who are yelling at their kids have no place here. They are not there to win – they are there to learn how to play and learn how to be on a team. If there is any bullying, he will not tolerate it. Love this guy, especially since soccer has a really bad rep in France. It attracts all the thugs, both players and spectators.

    1. Our flag football coach is awesome too. His goal is for the kids to have fun and learn the basics of football, which is exactly why E wanted to do flag football and why I signed him up. I now know how lucky we are.
      Ps. In my screaming-on-the-sidelines-defense, I also cheer and clap for the other team. I just adore football that much.

  2. Laughing out loud at this, my husband and his friends have been getting together for football on Saturday mornings which basically turns them into 5 year olds who get injured just from running down the field. He says “I’m too old for this” every single Sunday morning.

  3. We haven’t even started basketball yet this year (The first year Ant’s eligible– and boy, have the coaches been eying him since first grade, since he’s 9 and 5’5″) and I already love the organizers, who are all “Everyone will be rotated on five minutes changes so that we all get an equal time to play,” and “Parents who are caught keeping score or yelling at their children in anything but a celebratory manner will be removed,” and “You totally don’t have to volunteer or do a fundraiser!”

  4. Oh that is so true.
    My husband plays volleyball and softball and he complains all the time about injuries he’s sustained. He’s got a knee brace, ankle brace and sometimes I think that he wears a helmet.
    He forgets that he’s not as spry as he used to be.

  5. Sometimes I wish I played soccer just so I’d have a legitimate reason to kick people in the shins. There are so many people I want to do that too. It would be perfect if they would all join the same team…

    My daughter has an adult-sized helmet with a stuffed squirrel glued to the top of it. How awesome would that be? It would be really easy to tell what team you are on. Also, your husband would look hilarious. Let me know, I’ll hook you up.

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