The Funniest Text I Have Ever Gotten As A Parent

The words of this phone text were originally posted as an unrelated “ps” to another post, which I’ve always regretted because it deserved better, and I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with stuff to do so took the opportunity to give it a new home.

I probably don’t have to say this, but the text is from my husband.


Full translation: Attempted to clean bathroom — our daughter tried to drown. While comforting her, the cat jumped in and tried to drown. While frantically trying not to die, the cat decided that pooping in the tub might save his life. While trying to drain tub to clean cat poop, our son started screaming about not getting to take a bath. Then our daughter slipped and fell on the tile all wet from her and the cat. So — the bathroom and the kids will need to be cleaned tomorrow. Thanks. #oldcollegetry

I cried from laughing so hard and not just because nobody ever told me cat poop could be a viable lifesaving device.

Oh and I clearly made my husband send my the text again without our kids’ names because I’m weird about their names being in google searches or used in comments, but I like how the text looks on the phone rather than just written out and my Photoshop skills suck because I don’t actually have Photoshop. He’s such a good blouse.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

22 thoughts to “The Funniest Text I Have Ever Gotten As A Parent”

    1. He’s the best blouse ever. Also, his fancy phone has cut and paste so I emailed it to him to make it as easy as possible. But he still deserves credit. Maybe just for typing it out the first time 😉

  1. MY personal favorite part of this whole text transaction is that your husband is in your phone by first AND last name. Ha! I mean, sure, you might know more than one Scott, but I would have thought that he’d get dibs on the first name only contacts entry and all the others would be qualified by their surnames. Too funny!

  2. I will not read anything funnier than this today, so I am quitting and going to bed.

    Late Enough? You win the internet today.

    Sluiter Nation

  3. Bwahaha! I love that he added a hashtag.
    I’m weird with the kids names too. It’s one of those things that I try not to think about too much.

  4. That is some serious commitment to texting. I especially love, “Our daughter tried to drown.”

    The funniest text I ever got from my husband was when he was treating himself to an afternoon movie matinee and texted me from the theater: “Spider Man, Magic Mike, or Katy Perry movie… what to see?”

    It was just last week. Because he only recently started texting. Bless his heart.

  5. The resending of the text earns him all sorts of extra blouse points.

    PSAs now need to happen with the important information that we all need to keep a cat with us at all times for possible cat-poop-life-saving-moments.

  6. This is hilarious, longest text ever but I appreciate that he shared the whole story yet did not have a chance to go back and clean the bathroom. Because that would be my husband too.

  7. Another classic Poop Post. I was going to ask what a “blouse” was. Could it be a blogger’s spouse? Why did the bathroom have to be cleaned “tomorrow” rather than then and there? Why is there a turtle under your coffee table? That’s so cool that I want one.

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