I am putting my daughter, N, to bed the other night.
N: Mama?
Me: Yes baby?
N: I want to be a cat when I grow up.
Me: A cat?
N: Yes.
Me: That sounds wonderful.
However, I’ve known my daughter for all of her life, and she has a thing or two to learn if she wants to be a cat.
Let’s start with the basics.
1) Bathing.
I have only had to give 1 of the 10 cats I’ve owned throughout my lifetime a bath because he had an assplosion. That’s 1 cat every 30 years.
In the last year alone, I have bathed you 156 times. I’m not asking you to grow a cat tongue but maybe you could learn to turn on the shower once in awhile and get the shampoo out of your hair without crying.
2) Napping.
Cats are excellent nappers.
Afternoon nap.
Evening nap.
Night nap.
You are 3 years old and gave up your afternoon nap A YEAR AGO. {weep, weep, lament, lament} Yes, sometimes you fall alseep in the car, but then you punish us by running around the house until well past 9 p.m.. This is terribly uncat behavior. I think DOGS do things like this.
3) Bug-catching.
Cats will leap off tall couches just to save us from the dreaded HOUSE FLY OF DOOM.
You mostly scream and run away. Although if the bug is dead, you do bring it over and put it in my hand so there’s hope — at least for your cat-ness, not so much for my future “I love you, Mama” gifts.
4) Eating.
Cats are excellent eaters who only need me to scoop food into a bowl twice a day.
My cats also don’t complain about my cooking.
You don’t really eat until I’m sitting on the couch then you’re all I’M SO HUNGRY AND I CAN’T OPEN ANYTHING. Wait, that’s a lot like my cats. Have you been practicing?
Clearly, yes, since this picture is from last year.
Well, at least you’re dedicated and now we know what to get you for your birthday next year. Why brainwave-controlled kitty ears, of course.
Meow!
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Gave up naps a year ago… oh my… I’m sorry.
Maybe by being a cat she’ll take up napping again.
Would that be totally worth having to deal with another litter box?
Not really but I have heard that you can potty train a cat so they’ll use the toilet!
Your post about cats preparing you for parenthood gave me hope, but now I’m worried that my hypothetical future children won’t be enough like cats!
I want those brainwave ears. Those are awesome.
Now, I could totally get on board with the whole being a cat thing, if for no other reason than the naps. The bathing, not so much. But the naps? I am all over that!
kids wanting to be cats are cute. teens wanting to be kitties, on the other hand? creeper.
I’m pretty sure there’s a creepy picture of an adult who got reconstructive surgery to look like a cat on the Internet.
My kid’s a sucky cat.
Pretty good chimpanzee, though.
Ooh, I should mention majoring in monkey as a backup plan for N.
My son gave up naps a long time ago too.
Now I never get to pee alone.
That’s another cat-like quality my kids have — coming to the bathroom with me. Often it’s 2 kids and 4 cats and my husband might pop his head in just to ask a question. WTH!