NormalThingsIHateDoing

Normal Things I Hate Doing

I’ve never been good at the dailiness of life. The activities that everyone, everywhere, does everyday. Like sleeping. Or the slightly smaller demographic of people who enjoy eating lunch.

NormalThingsIHateDoing

1. Putting gas in my car: Yes, I’m grateful to have a car but not so grateful that I don’t hope magic gas fairies come between the almost-on-empty-light turning on and my car sputtering to a stop. (Heh, magic gas fairies.)

2. Bathing in any form involving water: I’ve already gone over this but since pretty much everyone bathes, it had to be reiterated on the list. My guess is I was a cat in a former life. A stinky cat.

3. Dishes: Sure, no one LIKES doing dishes, but I find that there are dishes in my sink to be shocking and offensive. Doing dishes everyday seems a little excessive.

4. Wearing a bra: I know. I know. I should just move to a bra-less country and stop complaining about all my wealth and power and boobs.

5. Going to bed: Also covered in minute detail in this blog, but seriously, why can’t I even sleep every OTHER night? I have things to do that I need to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for. Probably. I’m not really sure since I have no experience with it.

6. Going to the bathroom: I don’t mind once I’m there but having to get up from typing this very sentence is annoying and must be put off as long as… dammit, I’ll be right back…

7. Eating lunch: I like breakfast and dinner and breakfast for dinner, but I never know what to eat for lunch and whatever I chose isn’t very good. So I’ve decided to declare lunch the most boring and difficult meal of the day. I may be grateful that I can eat 3 meals a day, but I will never have anyone “over for lunch” unless they’re bringing food and it resembles dinner.

8. Washing my face: I’m still vaguely convinced face wash is a conspiracy to get me to purchase and use and purchase and use an unnecessary product. My zits disagree.

9. Walking up or down stairs: Even if it’s the same number of steps as walking from one room to another, the act of stairs is wrong. They are my kryptonite: Cant’s get it {pantpant} too far too tired {gaspgasp} I’m dying. Of stairs.

10. Small talk: I don’t want to ask how you are doing because I already know you are going to say: Fine. Unless we are really good friends, then you’re going to say: Awesome because you’re here and I don’t have to put up with anymore of this small talk crap. And we can move along to armageddon prep.

I could go on and on, but I’ve survived for the last 33.5 years so these things can’t be that important.

Photo credit: Mostly to Walt.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

34 thoughts to “Normal Things I Hate Doing”

  1. I feel like I’ve found a kindred spirit. Especially numbers 1, 2 3, and 8. And I would change 7 to dinner, rather than lunch. I don’t mind lunch, but the daily, “what do you want for dinner” routine vexes me. Can’t we just have a bowl of cereal and call it a day?

  2. The picture of the Cozy Coupe reminds me of what I hate doing: rescuing my 2 year old’s leg after it gets stuck between the body and floor of his Coupe.

    The small talk thing is annoying too. Ive resorted to prehistoric grunts and chest thumps as my form of communication with people these days.

  3. Totally agree and understand with 2, 5, and 10. Bathing is over rated. Why should anyone care as long as I am not smell offensive. I have no problem falling asleep on a couch, but a bed somehow irritates me. Maybe it’s the “going to” part? And I despise 10 – unless it’s someone I really care about getting to know. Otherwise if I’m never going to see you again I’d rather just people watch or sit quietly with my thoughts – especially if I’m with my kids. Then I actually want to talk to my KIDS and not people I don’t know…including their kids. I just sound mean. Gosh.

  4. I am SO with you on #1, 5, 6, 9, and 10! Not only is having to go to bed annoying, but it’s also exhausting. Last night I sat up doing nothing because I was too tired to get ready for bed. I’ve had to pee for at least half an hour but I’m too lazy to get up from my desk. Also, I spent 2 years living in a 4th-floor walk-up apartment and the stairs NEVER got any easier! Not fair!

    Oh, and I just read your bra fitting story, and what’s with bra fittings? I think they’re fake. I’ve also been told I was a really uncommon size and then told to just keep buying the (wrong) size I’d been wearing. I once tried to measure myself, and even got friends to help, but we came up with a negative bra size… like, my boobs are concave! (Which is not true!)

  5. You hate sleeping? What is wrong with you, woman?

    I’m so with you on the dishes, the bra, and putting gas in the car, which is why I got a Hybrid. Not to aid the planet–to aid my lazy ass.

  6. I guess my number 1 is like your number 10 (ew, that sounds gross). I HATE mingling. It involves pretending to enjoy small talk. And standing. And being judged. And feeling more awkward than I already feel. Yuck.

  7. I’m with you on the lunch thing. It never bothered me until I stayed home. Even though I rarely ate out when I worked, it was like “Wow, all the places I can go!” And oh, the alone time. Now it’s barely grabbing a Clif bar or a handful of pretzels and grapes and then I’m not hungry anymore, so why not top it off with some Nutella?

  8. 3,5,6,7,8,9,10…. You and me… we’re so similar that it’s scary.

    Although I do like baths and bathing. I just can’t bothered with it every day.

  9. putting gas in car – check – HATE DOING IT AND WILL EVEN PUT OFF GOING PLACES B/C IT NEEDS GAS. and the magic gas fairies haven’t done anything about it.

    small talk – check – i call it “fluff and cotton balls”

    washing face – used to be a check – i now make my own cleanser that costs pennies and it has suddenly become a much more enjoyable experience, with fewer zits to show for it – so HAH! to the great conspiracy, i beat you on this one! 🙂

  10. And this is why I rarely bathe, never wash my face and eat sandwiches standing up in the kitchen.

    You might be my soul mate. As long as we don’t have to make small talk about it.

  11. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. I stumbled upon your blog while looking for kindred spirits by googling “crazy women that spend the best years of their lives/butts taking social histories from comatose (?dead) 90 year olds in anticipation of making a difference in this world, only to give it all up for a 6 pound monkey and realize that for all the life skills they have – they may as well have spent their 20s on the beach”.

    Although I came looking for moral support, I have been reading all morning for the giggles. Especially over our common superpower. I also appreciated your tip for new moms, but find it interesting that this “trust your gut” strategy is one that I learned the hard way through the practice of medicine. I know well that it is a lot easier to live with you own decisions no matter what the outcome.

    But the reason I decided to leave a comment is because I wanted to tell
    you that your princess solidarity post made me cry (rare). All else aside, I pray that I can be this thoughtful and loving of a mother to my son.

  12. Oh yucky grammar on that post (typing on an ipad with a bouncing 6 month old, harder than it looks) – but hopefully, message conveyed.

  13. I do not like lunch. .
    I do not like putting gas in my car. I’d rather pedal it like Fred Flinstone in that car of yours than put gas in my car.

  14. It’s fun reading #10 after chatting w/ you the other weekend. *sniff* 😉

    Although had I known, we could have gone over zombie prep plans as a just-in-case. A pretty day out is no excuse for failure to plan.

  15. I’ll add….

    Trimming finger nails (mine and the kids)
    Putting away laundry (pointless)
    Homework (just wait)
    Watering the lawn (ug)

    Boring day to day-ness.

  16. POINT OF ORDER: #7. You live in Virginia. You don’t eat lunch. You have “Supper”.
    Damn Yankees.

    PS: Numbers 1, 8 and 9 CHECK! #4 confused me but only for a little bit.

  17. 1, 3, 4, 5, 6 …. 7 change to dinner lunch is okay for me … 8 & 9 … I’m with you … 10 depends on the person … 2 … I love showers … I hate baths (I know that makes me not a “real girl” lol) … I have sat in my house and not gone important places simply because I the magic gas fairies didn’t come … and cereal can be a meal any time of day … and given that I’m posting this at 4:30 in the morning … I guess that says something about how I feel about going to bed and sleep 😉

  18. #1: I avoid putting gas in my vehicle at all costs. I even trick the hubs into driving my car when it’s on E so he will fill it.

    #3: When Cort and I started dating, I lived somewhere that didn’t have a dishwasher. Cort had been known to do my dishes because there may have been fruit flies swarming them.

    #4 bras are necessary for my DDs

    #6: Between teaching and being lazy, my family had dubbed me Iron Bladder.

    #7: Lately I remember to eat at dinner. Lunch is for wussies.

    #8: I don’t know what this is. You mean I have to wash my face? What?

    #9: We live in a bi-level and I have invented medical reasons for why I can’t go down stairs…because it means I have to come back up them.

    #10. I only know of Big Talk. Small talk doesn’t exist to me.

  19. I always hated to pump gas. Then I moved to Oregon where it’s illegal. Occasionally, I have to do it if
    a. I leave the state
    b. I’m going to run out and the only station for 100 miles is the one on the Indian Reservation where they don’t have to follow those pesky state laws (happens more often than you’d think)
    They also charge more so it’s best to remember to gas up before you get to that portion of the trip so you don’t have to pump your own gas and pay more for the privilege of doing so.
    Also, 1,3,4,8,9,10.

  20. I love this one and all of the comments too! It’s nice to know I am not as weird as I thought I was. The only one I would disagree with you on is showering. When my daughter was first born I would give up eating for a shower. I seriously wish there was a cure for sleeping. I have so much I want to do and sleeping just gets in the way. Gas-free cars and no dishes would be like heaven on earth. I get in trouble all the time for driving around on fumes. Small talk always makes me feel awkward. Well, more awkward than usual. Don’t get me started on bras! Why can’t we just go back to burning them? I missed out on that because I wasn’t born yet, but bra burning has always made a lot of sense to me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.