I Hate Birds

Scott: The cats killed another robin.

Me: It’s called Darwinism.

Scott: You just hate birds.

Me: Well, it is one less beady-eyed demon.

Scott tilts his head toward our massive oak tree: Can’t you hear her babies calling for her?

Me: Yes. They sound like cat dessert.

PS. Hate is hereditary. Exhibit A & B from when E was a toddler:

Is this a bird, mama?
Rawr, I shall eat him.

I almost feel guilt passing on this hate to another generation. Then I look at my car and deck covered in bird poop and I get over it.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

11 thoughts to “I Hate Birds”

  1. Hitchcock made “the Birds” for a reason. That’s what I always tell my children. Plus, four of them attacked me earlier this spring. I’m not a fan of birds.

        1. 1) I don’t know how I missed the terrify-ness of that post

          2) Don’t EVER hesitate to leave a link to a post of yours (or anyone else’s I guess) on my site. I LOVE when people do it. Seriously.

  2. I have the worst bird phobia in the world! Once, as a kid in North Dakota, a bird shit on my head TWICE in the same day, and there was no worse torture than getting my hair washed, so it was major drama and trauma. Birds are up to no good.

  3. I’ve never liked birds either. When I was little one of my friends had a cockatiel (or something like that) and it once POOPED ON MY HEAD!

  4. I can always count on you to make me feel less weird! I hate birds too. I remember the exact moment I started hating them. It was during sixth grade science class watching a video about birds and how they are so oily and eat bugs from their feathers. Gross! Plus feeding ducks as a child was a traumatic experience for me. We have the strangest commonalities.

  5. I hate birds so much. Once, when I was driving a bird flew RIGHT INTO MY WINDSHIELD AND DIED, leaving a feather, gooey mess that wouldn’t come off with the wipers, so I had to go to a car wash. It was disgusting.

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