My Son Discovers College

My 5-year-old has discovered college.

No, he’s not Doogie Howser (probably). I think it dates back to a few weeks ago when his sister reached the episode of Blue’s Clues where Steve goes to college and his hipper, untucked shirt, non-pleated pants,¬†younger brother, Joe, moves in to take care of Blue and the show.

Who didn't cry? Robots, that's who.

My daughter has never watched another episode of¬†Blue’s Clues. Also, Steve didn’t go to college. He joined a punk band that recently played on Nick Jr. I’m sad all over again.

While N has been scarred for life and may never leave the nest, E has been asking many questions about this mythical college place that Steve left a talking dresser and a clue-leaving dog for.

E: Can I eat cake at college?

Me: Yes, you can eat cake at college.

E: Wow.

Me: You can actually eat whatever you want whenever you want.

E: Oh my gosh. I can eat lunch BEFORE LUNCHTIME. This is going to be awesome.

He dreams big.

E: Mama, do I have to wash my hands before I eat?

Me: No, but it will keep you healthier.

E: Okay, I will. Wait, do they have bathrooms in college?

Me: Yes, they have bathrooms.

E: Well then they’ll have sinks. I’ll be able to wash my hands!

Wait until I tell him about the mini-fridge. He’ll be moving out tomorrow doing the Blue Clue’s jazz hands on his was out the door.


Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

19 thoughts to “My Son Discovers College”

  1. So where were their parents in all of this? If Steve was his younger brother he should have still been in high school or something right? Maybe they were in jail for running a meth lab or something. Might explain why Steve didn’t have any new clothes.

  2. Tell him you can get dressed up in 70’s gear for no reason other than you and your friend feel like that’s the appropriate outfit for dinner that night. Then again, you’re such a cool mom he probably can do that already.

  3. That is too funny! The transition on Blues Clues happened in between my kiddos, so I was very lost when Ant starting watching. Also, the interwebs had a lot of speculation on what actually happened to Steve. It almost makes the punk band thing a relief…

  4. My daughter also stopped watching Blues Clues when Steve left. Couldn’t figure out why, other than she said she didn’t like Joe. One of my friends, who was a special ed teacher, said that a lot of kids with ASD didn’t like Joe as well as Steve. Steve was curious, but calming. Joe was just frenetic.

    In Steve’s defense, his first album is pretty good (Songs for Dustmites). I was able to see him live, and he puts on a good show. Still miss him on kid’s tv though. Glad he led your kid to the path to college.

  5. I read somewhere else recently about a parent whose child watched that episode and totally freaked because Steve left. Interesting. I may not hook my son on Blues Clues simply to avoid the messy break-up.

    Oh yes, there are many great things about college. Glad the cake, lunch before lunchtime, and bathrooms are the draw – not the opportunity to better your life and possibly the lives of others.

  6. I love the way he thinks! Just wait until he learns about the copious cereal containers that you can use. Mix and match sugary cereals until your heart is content big guy! Riley has already said he’s not going because he never wants to move out. Oh boy.

  7. After reading this I felt a little sheepish because I was actually surprised that Blues Clues was still on. I mean, didn’t Steve’s brother take over a decade ago? Then, after a quick search I found out new shows weren’t made after 2006. Now I just feel super old and completely out of touch with popular children’s shows. My favorite part was when E questioned whether or not hand washing could be avoided and then decided to do it anyway so he could be healthier. He sounds really smart and really cute. It’s a good thing college is a long way off! He sounds like a keeper.

  8. My daughter about this same episode “will I have to go to college?” me ” only if you want to but I sure hope you do” daughter “only if you come too, but not my brothers, they can stay here with daddy, daddy can be Blue’s clues”. So it looks like I’m going back to college in 14 years.

  9. dude. wait til he finds out he can get cereal any time of day in the cafeteria. It will be a mind blowing experience. It was for me. Sometimes which cereal to choose…or which ones to mix together…was my biggest decision of the day.

    related: I miss college.

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