My Children Want A Pregnant Mama

My children are fascinated with pregnancy. They ask about photographs of me pregnant and love touching (with permission) other women’s pregnant bellies.

They love babies, too, and are so good to the new mamas by always saying: Your baby is so cute.

I am overjoyed that they see a new addition to a family as a blessing. But I also feel wistful when they comment so earnestly about baby bellies.

I am not going to be pregnant again. I knew when N was 4 months old that I did not want to go through another pregnancy. I also knew if we waited any longer, I would forget, and we would try for another child. And then I’d be pregnant and although I could have my first pregnancy where I felt hot and pregnant in a whoa-look-at-the-sexy-preggo-lady way, I could also have my second pregnant where I felt hot and pregnant in a going-to-pass-out-at-any-moment-for-nine-months way.

Scott agreed to be the one who snipped, and I went on the most awkward errand ever to confirm it. And BOOM! No more pregnant bellies.

I hope we will have more children at some point, but obviously, they’ll be adopted. I have felt called to adopt a child for a long time. In all honesty, I also probably realized that, because getting pregnant is easier for us than the adoption process, we would never go through with it otherwise. Take August 2008 for example: not even 24 hours after our first foster-to-adopt class, I found out I was pregnant with N.

While I am happy that our future could give a family to a child, who no longer has one, I regret not having moments of wonder as my children watch my body grow a sibling. My son didn’t notice his sister growing inside me. He was young and busy, and we were more focused on teaching him how to treat infants. Today, he would be excited and amazed. He would feel the baby kick and we would laugh and cry as much as we did the first time we felt E and N move.

And his sister would be beside herself in belly-bonding. She told me a few days ago that she wanted to be A famous mama like you. (which is probably better than like Snooki.)

What’s done is done and was done for the right reason. Watching my children experience the awe of a pregnancy is not a reason to go through another one although I would be rationalizing it right now if we hadn’t chosen a¬†vasectomy. Even though I could not guarantee an easy pregnancy and I should not put my body and my family through a tough one, I know how easy it is to say LET’S DO IT. {waggle waggle}

I am grateful that I knew myself well enough in 2009 to know this would happen, but I think we are all missing out a little bit, too.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

17 thoughts to “My Children Want A Pregnant Mama”

  1. That would be a hard decision to make…especially for me since I absolutely loved LOVEd being pregnant.
    I’d be pregnant all the time if I could.
    But adoption and being a foster parent is such a beautiful thing. You’re giving these children a second chance.

    1. If both my pregnancies had been like my first, I would be 10 kids. But I wouldn’t get a chance to adopt. I think it must be hard for other people whose didn’t make any final snips.

  2. Silly kids – pregnant mama (and postpartum bleary eyed mama) isn’t much fun. she just wants to lie down. And be quiet. And no, we’re not going anywhere… I guess the baby is cool until she or he starts grabbing your stuff.

    It’s a tough call. But all of us have to say ‘when’ sooner or later.

  3. I think it’s awesome you want to adopt. I’m sure you will think of something to get your kids just as excited about adopting a baby/child as they would be about a baby belly!

  4. I can’t do pregnancy again either. Not only do we feel that we have enough children, but it’s just so hard on me, and i would likely get preeclampsia a 3rd time. Plus I really just hate being pregnant and incapacitated. But when the time came to make a decision, we couldn’t go all permanent on ourselves. Who knows. Maybe he’ll talk me into #4 yet. R&C were too young to really “get” it either when I was pregnant with Z.

  5. i have no regrets about not being pregnant again. it was no fun the first two times, and the gestational diabetes + pre-eclampsia the third time, + now i’m 40 = no more babies for me! but my kids do occasionally pine for another sibling. when this happens, i pitilessly remind them how absurd they’re being. “I can’t give any of you as much attention as you want NOW!” i say; “What do you think it would be like with a FOURTH?” then i point out how much less fun i am when i’ve been up half the night.

    works every time.

  6. I just want to be able to *try* to have just one more baby. I am starting to finally be at peace with our little family of three, but my heart still yearns for another baby. I always thought we would be a family of four. We haven’t pursued the surrogacy or adoption route because we just aren’t there yet.

    p.s. You were a beautiful pregnant woman, Alex!

  7. The decision to have another child can be such a difficult one to make. I love your self-confidence in making the right decisions for your family and the beautiful idea of adoption.

  8. Oh dear… I am struggling with this at the moment. Do we? Don’t we? Part of longs to grow our family, but with no family or friends nearby, I’m already stressed to my limit. Plus, with split pubic bones after both births… *sigh*
    During my second pregnancy, I declared us done. Now? I can’t believe I’m actually considering another.
    PS- you guys would be a great family for an adopted child.

  9. On Saturday night we went to visit some friends who just had their second baby. Hayden LOVED the baby and was so sweet with her, and then he said to me, “I wish I had a baby sister.” Ouch. In a way I wish he did, too, but he is also fine NOT having one. Either way, we win.

  10. Hey my friend had 14 good pregnancies! The last 11 were after the “snip” retie! God bless her as she is a wonderful mom and they have an awesome family, I know that I couldn’t do it though! I’m still trying to eat breakfast for myself and I only have 1 child!!

  11. I totally feel you. I had my tubes tied after me last child (#6) was born. It was the “right thing to do.” I still battle with it. My children talk about having more brothers and sisters and sometimes I feel like maybe I made that decision too soon (I was 26). I know deep down it was the best thing for my family, but there are times when I second guess myself.

  12. We aren’t in a place right now where we can have another child. But lately I have been feeling feelings and having thoughts – many of which have been brought on by my daughter’s constant stream of chatter about wanting to be a big sister. She wants it so bad (and I’m finding that I might want it a little too), and it makes me sad that it isn’t an option right now.

  13. I had very difficult pregnancies and deliveries for both of my sons– high risk doctors and emergency c-section and time spent in the hospital. One time would have been a fluke, but twice was a warning. It was an easy decision for me. My husband is more of a “what will be, will be” type, so he has struggled a bit. I feel very confident that we will foster or adopt later on– it’s the one place where both of our wishes mesh so well.

  14. I LOVED my first pregnancy too! I was sooo excited when I found out I was pregnant with Charlie because YA HOO!

    And then I was miserable the second time around. sicker and reflux-y-er and just more…blah.

    will we do it again? I don’t know. I do know I want to have my tubes tied when we are done and we didn’t do that last time they had me opened up on the table.

    So i guess a third is still a possibility.

    And I do feel that our family is not quite all here yet. There is someone else out there yet…

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