Morning should only be allowed to come once a week.
As the title of my blog makes clear, I hate early.
Early to an event? Awkward.
Early in the morning? Exhausting.
Hmm, I can’t think of any other examples of early except pre-term babies, which I didn’t have, but I’m pretty sure sucks since medicine has not been able to recreate Planet Uterus very well.
I have had trouble sleeping for as long as I can remember. My mom swears I slept through the night at 6 weeks old. I guess I got it all out of my system because what I remember about sleep is trying to find it for hours and once I found it falling into nightmares.
Even now, when my nightmares have subsided into a once a month occurrence rather than daily, I cannot sleep. I lie there alternating between closing my eyes and playing with my phone. Please don’t lecture me on playing with my phone. I struggled with sleep long before cell phones existed and staring into the ceiling with only the ticking clock as my companion is as stressful.
Since I have no reason to avoid sleep, as my brain is not kidnapping my children, sending me to school without pants or forcing me to face murderous rampages, I have decided to tackle my lack of sleep head on.
I am setting an alarm for butt-crack early. (Any morning person who disagrees with 6 a.m. being early will be forced to stay up until 2 a.m. while this night owl laughs.)
I am committing to it for 30 days because the only time my falling asleep has ever improved is when I woke up at the same (early) time every day for 2 weeks. Then I slept in once and it all went to crap.
I will not be using staying up until 3 a.m. (see last Thursday) or my children being awake for 30 minutes to 3 hours at 1 a.m. (see the last 5 and a half years of my life).
I am done with insomnia.
I probably also need to keep the phone and computer out of the bedroom, do something relaxing right before bed (Scott stop wiggling those eyebrows), and reduce my caffeine intake even further (I already do no caffeine after 2 p.m. except the occasional 3 p.m. green tea), but I have slept like crap my entire life even when I’ve made those changes. Plus, I can’t change everything at once, or I will fail.
So I will start with what works and maybe the rest will fall into place.
Or I will be writing incoherent blog posts while snorting caffeine pills and talking to small pink men shaped like elephants.
I’m raising my right hand and committing to this before my laptop and the Internet, which is a lot like committing before God except the Internet will give me a hard time for failing, whereas God just shrugs and says: Guess Alex needs to be a little more miserable before she’ll do what’s right. (jerk)
This decision may not seem exciting or revolutionary to anyone else. But I hate early unless I stayed up all night. Wait, could I stay up for 30 days straight instead? That sounds way more appealing.
PS. Under the alarm is the word “song.” Feel free to offer suggestions for what song I should chose to hear at 6 a.m..