I have purple hair photo

Who Knew Purple Hair Was The Ultimate Disguise?

I now have purple highlights.

I have purple hair photo
Please only look at the color above that vague pink line. I'm a terrible photog and after 20 pictures, this was the closest to my new hair that I could get. And by closest I mean only the top half looks anything like it looks in real life.

Not only am I enjoying my daughter’s continued awe at my total awesomeness since purple is her favorite color, but as it turns out, purple highlights are the BEST DISGUISE EVER.

First, I’m walking down the sidewalk, and I make eye contact with a woman that I’m sure I know.

I run through my mental Rolodex of people (because my brain is from 1985) and BAM! I know her through an acquaintance, haven’t spoken in 2-3 years and am completely okay with not breaking our record.

BUT WE MADE EYE CONTACT AND SHE’S IN MY DIRECT PATH OF PURPOSEFULNESS.

With a sigh I ready myself for the
howareyourkidsyouhavetwonowomgwereallydontknowanythingabouteachother
chat.

Except I look up and realize she can’t place me. She continues to glances towards me while chatting with a friend, but she isn’t sure if she knows me. Why would she know someone with purple hair?

I walk right past with nary a SO GOOD TO SEE YOOOUUUU in my wake.

Amazing!

Next, I walk into one of those stores where the sale people follow the customers around with the talking and the suggesting and the directing and the helping until I am forced to buy something or flee to my car with a million isn’t this adorable nipping at my heels.

Don’t get me wrong. I like helpful people, but when I need help, I ask. In fact, I’ve considering wearing that on a T-shirt in this particular store.

Until I got purple highlights.

Not a single salesperson spoke to me until I walked up to the cash register to ask if they had any boy’s valentine’s shirts after twenty minutes of wandering around the place. Twenty blessed minutes of browsing at my own quiet, aimless pace.

Fantastic!

I’m completely invisible by being way too out there, and I’m pretty sure the FBI, CIA and Secret Service should take note because even their best agents couldn’t avoid telling those sale people the age, triumphs and failures of their children, neighbors and cars.

PS. At first, I found it odd that this didn’t happen with my mermaid hair, but who doesn’t have a thing for mermaids? No one, obviously.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

16 thoughts to “Who Knew Purple Hair Was The Ultimate Disguise?”

  1. Purple is awesome. Then again, I had a head of purple for a while. Though, where I lived, it seemed an invitation to talk more. Other than the strangers, I loved it.
    I think it suits you very well.

    1. The mermaid hair was like that. Maybe it’s a Texas vs. Virginia thing? Y’all hate mermaids but love grapes. This isn’t making any sense. Which is exactly what I’m trying to do. Wait, what?

  2. Really?! It’s not like your whole head is purple. I think the purple looks really pretty and is very becoming! That is really wacky that there wasn’t the same reaction to the blue though…but again, people are crazy.

  3. You may have just started a revolution!!! If I didn’t have to dress two toddlers, both of them have miserable colds, and take them out into the 15 degree weather… I would so be stocking up on purple dye!!! Screw the natural non graying 41 year old auburn… I’m going purple for anonymity (is that a word?)

    1. It’s totally a word. And I ordered my purple on the Internet so stocking up is easy although 2 sick toddlers will also get you ostracized fairly easily in a school, store or playground setting so you may not need it just yet.

  4. My sister dyes her hair all sorts of colours…I wish I had the balls to do it.
    And the fact that I don’t think that colours would cover up the plethora of gray that is sprouting out of no where.
    Stupid gray.

    1. Going gray is what inspired me. If I was going to have to dye my hair like a little old lady, I might as well have fun with it. It’ll work if you do a full panel of highlights and tell your hairdresser that half the point is to get the grays. I’m pretty sure that’s why I have a giant streak in the front. My grays are the worst there.

  5. purple doesn’t always make them leave you alone. one day when i had purple hair i went to the drug store to buy RIT for tie-dyeing. the girl who was ringing me looked at the boxes and asked whether that was what i used on my hair. i was 16, and aghast at the stupidity. so i told her, “no. my mother has red hair and my father has blue hair. i came out like this.”

    1. i have to add that one of my earliest big resentments in AA came when i decided to go back to natural, and old-timers at meetings started commenting on how i must be starting to get better, now that i was looking more normal. if only they knew how crappy my sobriety would remain for the next six and a half years….turns out there are better indicators of the quality of one’s sobriety than hair color.

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