Go Speed Racer

When YouTube Calls A Video Dirty, It Means It

Go Speed RacerI try to be a good mom. A mom who pays attention to her kids and adds to their excitement and interests.

So when my son started watching Speed Racer on Netflix and insisting he was speed and N was his brother X, I immediately thought of the techno song: Go Speed Go by the Alpha Team

Me: E there’s a Speed Racer song that we can dance to!

E: AhWE-SOME. (no seriously he says this word all the time and with a surfer accent now)

I jump on YouTube and find a video with photos of speed racer and the techno song playing in the background. I keep seeing “dirty version” and I think: What video did they make to this song? Don’t pick that one.

I play one without the warning, and my preschool kids and I dancing along until the song begins to play what all those videos tried to warn me about. The part I didn’t remember because I didn’t know the 2008 version was different from the 1990s version in my head, and the video I chose didn’t have this apt description:

Speed Racer opening theme combined with the DJ Keoki p0rn mix

The first few Trixie moans I think: Haha, okay back to the song.

Except Speed and Trixie are too busy to keep dancing. The music and breathing are clearly moving in a CRESCENDO direction. So I run to my iPhone and fast-forward. Twice. I’m not down with listening to sex with my kids no matter how good the back beat is.

We finish dancing, and I change the subject. And fail.

E: Mama, you skipped the breathing part.

Me: I did.

E: I want to listen to her breath again.

Me: What?

Now I’m thinking: Why did he notice? Oh my gawd, has he heard Scott and I?

E: I want to hear the breathing. It makes her happy.

{insert wide-eyed Mama}

E: She was scared and then she breathed to help calm down, right?

{sigh} We do breathing exercises to deal with anger and fear, and E thinks Trixie is anxious.

I feel relief except now I’m in a corner I built for myself based on the plan to RELATE. The song is a fun song that has sex noises in it. My son thinks the sex noises are breathing exercises. The breathing exercises we do are great so I can’t tell him there’s something wrong with the breathing, and I can’t tell him Speed and Trixie are trying to make babies since I’m not ready for the sex talk (he’s 5). And I can’t listen to sex noises with my kids and pretend it’s breathing exercises.

I spend the rest of the afternoon saying, we’ll listen to it in a minute, while inventing even cooler things to do and planning to never listen to the song again. I think the term is cock blocking.

Here is the video I should have picked.

Here is the video I did pick.

Here is the clip of just the breathing part if you don’t want to listen to a 4 minute techno song.

Photo Source

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

17 thoughts to “When YouTube Calls A Video Dirty, It Means It”

  1. Hahahaah! I promise I am laughing WITH YOU friend. Now that IS a problem. Oh dear. I will never hear the phrase, “Go Speed Racer GO!” the same again.

  2. Thankfully, we have this song on cd (well, also in our itunes) since in college I bought a Saturday Morning Cartoon CD full of classic theme songs done by popular bands. Yeah, it’s as awesome as it sounds.

      1. nope. that’s a different one. although that looks good too! It was this one: http://www.amazon.com/Saturday-Morning-Cartoons-Greatest-Hits/dp/B000002OYG/ref=sr_1_1?s=music&ie=UTF8&qid=1329856810&sr=1-1

        Back then, bought because it had Sublime doing Hong Kong Phooey.

        I also have this: http://www.amazon.com/Schoolhouse-Rock-Rocks-Various-Artists/dp/B000005J80/ref=pd_sim_m_1

        Bought back then because Blind Melon sang Three is the Magic Number.

        Now? Totally kid friendly dance party!

  3. stupid youtube. and all the videos of michael jackson songs have a picture of his “corpse” in the sidebar. several different versions of them, actually. i miss the old days, when you only came up against porn in the 7-11 or under some parent’s bed. although joseph did point out to me the other day on a magazine cover, “that lady’s not wearing her clothes!”–and indeed, she was not; she was wearing a ribbon wrapped strategically around her torso–in the checkout line at whole foods.

  4. So would it make you feel better that I let my son watch a bit of the LMFAO “I’m Sexy” song…you know…the one where they fling their dings. I had NO idea what the “wiggle wiggle” part was. I turned it off right when I saw the flinging yet my 3 year old likes to do the dick flick now. It’s quite embarrasing since he likes to dance to the music when we go to stores…I just hope to god he doesn’t do it there.
    Yea, so fail on my part.

  5. Wow!That was awesome…..hmmmmmm…..he’s five. You know they’ll teach him in school next year….right? Every time I was ready for “The Talk” the kids were already fully briefed. Good Luck wide-eyed Mama.

  6. Well, I think we all make those kind of mistakes sometimes. My daughter wanted to see the Cee Lo video and I was not paying attention to what which one I picked and well, she figured it out what was bleeped.
    Kids seem to catch everything that we hope they will miss.

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