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I Have A Severe Case

by Alex Iwashyna

in Resentments

The problem with graduating from medical school is that when my stomach hurts and I don’t vomit or poop my brains out, I think: I have abdominal fullness.

When I think “abdominal fullness,” I think cancer.

I start to list off the rest of my recent “symptoms,” which all lead to cancer even though I don’t have cancer.

However, I do have a stomach ache.

TakingInternetTooSeriously

card source: http://thats-so-meme.tumblr.com

I also have been taking my Internets a little too seriously.

The last time I read a book was when I felt sick enough to not leave my bed for 2 days. That’s a stupid reason to read a book. Okay, it’s a fine reason, but all the reasons in between reading those novels are stupid.

I’ve put myself on a writing schedule that is doable but not reasonable. And then I look for more work. Because I’m insane.

I’m not even sure where I’m going with this except that no matter how much I fight January resolutions, I find myself navel gazing.

I keep eying my life to decide what I like and don’t like, what I can change and what I need to accept as is.

For most of January, I complain that they can’t be reversed, but I eventually decide to change what I can and leave the rest all. Probably.

I don’t like being tired, dirty dishes, being out of shape, not seeing my friends, second guessing my ideas, breaking my eyes rolling them at other people’s ideas. But mostly I don’t like that everything has to go right to be able fit my plans in 24 hours. Kids get sick. Cars break down. (sometimes twice in one week.) Phones ring. Posts don’t go viral. (that’s a daily plan that only happened once.) Annual checkups appear on the calendar and kids feet grow and we eat all the food in our refrigerator 2 days before grocery night. BUT I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR ANYTHING BUT MY TO DO LIST.

I’m not complaining about my life. I’m complaining about my plans not including my life.

I want to not just love the life I have but be in the middle of it. And then I want an email outlining exactly what to do to get there.

All I know is the cure is change and finishing this rambling post at 11:15 p.m. is a place I could start.

Or I could go back to worrying about cancer.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Tracey January 23, 2012 1

“I’m not complaining about my life. I’m complaining about my plans not including my life.”
Preach! This very statement should go viral. Because it is brilliant. Good night.

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Alexandra January 24, 2012 2

Who are we trying to kid.

We’ll always go back to worrying about cancer.

On another note: yeah, el internetz.

How do you get off?

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Shell January 24, 2012 3

If you figure out how to get an email outlining all that, please share!

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Megan - Best of Fates January 24, 2012 4

Which post went viral?! (Yes, I’m clearly too easily distracted.)

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Late Enough January 24, 2012 5
Megan - Best of Fates January 25, 2012 6

That would totally not have been my guess – clearly I’m just not cool enough to get viral-ness.

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Late Enough January 25, 2012 7

You and me both — I thought my stats chart was just broken that day.

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Megan - Best of Fates January 25, 2012 8

That’s totally what I tell myself when my stats counter says I lost all my followers! (Which, in my defense, must at least sometimes be true.)

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Lady Jennie January 24, 2012 9

This was a great post, but you could have almost just written this and nailed it:

I’m not complaining about my life. I’m complaining about my plans not including my life.

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Late Enough January 24, 2012 10

Thanks. I agree and imagine this is part of my problem.

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Robbie January 24, 2012 11

Hell yeah!

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Heather January 31, 2012 12

I feel this way a lot! Next time you are sick you might want to check out the book The Happiness Project, just beacause it might give you some ideas or validate that we all feel just like you do sometimes :)

I just love your blog and have added it to my favorites on my new blog. Check it out when you get a chance, I’d love any feedback you have. http://notesfromheather.blogspot.com/
Keep up the great work!

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