A Pair Of Clean Underwear And A Very Furry Awkward

I haven’t showered in 3 days and I’m usually okay with that but I have to try on bridesmaid dresses in the evening so I haul the kids upstairs and settle them into playing a board game called Please Don’t Eat My Lipstick as I jump in the shower.

After soaping up the essentials, I note the kids are enthralled in a debate over which Power Ranger is in charge, the red one or the golden one, so I decide to take the extra five minutes to shave my legs and cut down on any brides going into Hairy Shock. I finish, dry off, tell my kids the Red Ranger is in charge and head into my bedroom only to realize I have no clean underwear.

My kids move into playing Almost Fall Off The Very Tall Bed so I have exactly 32 seconds to dash to the laundry room before I’m dashing off to the emergency room in dirty underwear and wet hair.

Me: I’ll be right back guys. I need to find underwear. Don’t fall off the bed.

I follow-up with the usual May all the window shades be down or at least my poor neighbors’ eyes be closed prayer as I run naked to the laundry room with the hope that a pair of underwear snuck into the washer and dryer last night.

My 5-year-old son’s laughter follows me as he yells: UNDERWEAR!

I laugh, too, because he’s in his Underwear-Is-Funny phase. Just like me!

I dig through the dish towels tucking one under my arm figuring with a few pins and some origami skills I can make underwear, when a pink pair jumps out as if to say SEE GOD DOES LOVE YOU!

I run back into my room shouting with joy normally reserved for finding a bag of Swedish Fish hidden under the fruit bowl, I FOUND SOME! I can almost hear David’s Bridal cheering in the background.

My son starts laughing again and yells: I CAN SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR.

I smile back as I pull them up.

My son: And your fur.

Me: My what?

I look down confused because I shaved my legs and as my eyes drift upward, I go: Ooh.

My son clarifies: YOUR VAGINA FUR!

I eye the awkward and say: Well, it’s either origami dish towel boy shorts or getting that bridesmaid dress on all by ourselves, vagina fur. Let’s do this.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

28 thoughts on “A Pair Of Clean Underwear And A Very Furry Awkward

  1. Hahahahaha! Did you REALLY just blog about your PUBIC HAIR?! Kids are pretty darn perceptive. So you’re telling my have almost 2 years right???

  2. OMG I am rolling…and my husband looked over just in time to see your vagina fur. Well not YOUR vagina fur, but you know. I still think he’s going to have a hard time unseeing that.

  3. So funny! Mine tells me “you haz a hay-wee butt, mama.” So nice.

    And as for the previous time you wrote about this, we have that EXACT SAME BUCKET. And it’s been used the EXACT SAME WAY! What’s up with that?!?!?

  4. Yeah. Casey sent me. My FB status a few days ago was something similar. My 3.5 yo came in as I was getting out of the shower and asked about whether or not I had washed various body parts. Then he asked. “Did you wash the fur?” Why yes, yes I did. Team Fur. 🙂

  5. Laughing so hard. And seriously I’m so glad I’m not alone. When my oldest was 6 or so she opened the shower curtain, looked down at my nakedness and said “why are you wearing furry underwear?” which was followed by a long pause and then “those are not underwear!” I think this may have been the day I traumatized her most.

  6. I’m reading this while trying to get my son to go to sleep and trying hard not to laugh. My husband experienced the male corollary a few months ago as he was coming out of the shower: “Daddy, your penis has a beard!”

  7. Consider yourself lucky. Most of mine fell out somewhere along the line in the last ten years until it’s the only youthful looking portion of my body. And I forgot to put some under the pillow for the Menopause Fairy.

  8. Remember this if I fail to keep a straight face the next time I see you in public.

    (checks very closely to make sure the “L” was included in that word)

  9. bwahaha. It reminds me of the time when Delaney was little and asked why I had chocolate… Of course, I did not know what she was talking about until she said…”why do you have chocolate there?” and then pointed to my vagina fur. A lovely awkward moment and one that my husband loves to joke about.

  10. 🙂 ha ha You know moms everywhere have those moments. I was getting dressed one morning and my son said ” there are your boobs again”. All you can do is laugh. We all just hope they don’t say anything about it in public.

  11. I. Love. It.!

    When my daughter was a baby, my son watched while I was changing her diaper and said, “She has a butt in the front.”

    I decided not to correct him at the time (I didn’t feel like discussing vaginas with a very verbal two-year-old) but regretted that decision when we were in the grocery store and my son decided to explain to everyone in line that “My mom has a hairy butt.”

    Oh yeah.

  12. I am looking at your categories and tags to do research on how to make my blog work better, but it’s not going so well because how can I not click on origami underwear? This is so funny because what mom has not been here before? My blog work is going slow due to all of the reading and laughing I am doing. Oh well, I have to click, right?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.