Periodic Table of Elements Tshirt photo

New Elements Named And No One Asked Me

Eight new elements have been discovered, but only three have become official through the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry or IUPAC for short like when you’re bringing it up at dinner parties or say in blog posts.

Those three newbie elements are Darmstadtium, Roentgenium and Copernicium.

Also known as BORINGIUM.

So I’ve decided to name the other five. FOR SCIENCE.

1. Awesomeium because the 80s are NEVER GOING AWAY.

2. Element because some element has got to be the guy named Guy with the dog named Dog and the cat named ironically, Jim.

3a. Jimium?

3b. 3a is not ironic at all although Madisoninum would be super popular.

4. I thought I’d auction off this one on ebay. Ebayium until we get a highest bidder.

5. ALEXIUM because… DUH, fame and fortune is why I started blogging.

Why yes, the Noble Prize WOULD be a nice way to thank me.

By the way, these new elements are man-made, which I’m pretty sure this means Iron Man is right around the corner.

This is science news at its BESTIUM.

Seriously, I’ve been talkium like this all dayium. I’m speakium the Nerd Pig Latinium.

I’m a walking tableium of elements. Seriouslyium, I have a shirt with the pre-Darmstadtium/Roentgenium/Copernicium.

Periodic Table of Elements Tshirt photo
A geek just fainted.

And the radioactive elements? Glow-in-the-dark.

Glow-in-the-Dark Doesn't Show Up in Photo
Taking pictures of glow-in-the-dark elements with an iPhone? IMPOSSIBLE.

Trustium me.

They glowium.

Coolium.

Laterium.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

16 thoughts on “New Elements Named And No One Asked Me

  1. Brilliantium. My best girlfriend has a framed periodic table in her kitchen. I have a pic of our kids in front of is. I shall direct you to to it on Facebookium.

  2. I had a shirt that said E=MC2 on it. But the best part was that the E = MC2 part was all teeny tiny writing of the theory of relativity.

    I got it at the museum of science and industry in chicago in 10th grade.

    It did not get me a boyfriend.

    I am still baffled.

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