We Went To NASCAR

This Yankee went to NASCAR for the first time ever.

I attempted to live tweet it but was completely distracted by my own jorts. In fact, my red, white and blue ensemble complete with a Walmart bag were a huge hit. And by huge hit, I mean no beer was spilled on me.

I have no full-length photos, but I'm totally thinking: Jorts are number 1!

We arrived and were greeted by two teens in a golf cart with a flag “ICE & CIGS.” My kids declined since they weren’t hot or in need of cancer.

Where was the Ice and Cigs cart when I was in college?

We immediately put on the kids’ headphones in case the next cart offered them beer and sex, and we headed to the race track.

Good-bye ice and cigs girls.
WHA?

When we entered Richmond International Raceway, I was overjoyed to realized that Cars was completely accurate except for the talking cars part.

I think that's pit row!
My job seems so much less weird now.

We took our seats to watch driver after driver, we’d never heard of, introduced until YAY DANICA! YAY DALE, JR!.

Then we bowed our heads in prayer, and THANKED GOD FOR NASCAR. A-freakin-men.

As the race began, E was transported into heaven on Earth. (prayer totally works!) He spent the entire time yelling: GO, BLUE CAR GO!

N's version of heaven? Not so much. But she still has the cutest NASCAR pout ever
We don't actually know anything about NASCAR so Go Blue Car was the equivalent of Go Fast Guy.

I spent the entire time looking for mullets and found only one minor mullet so I yelled: Way to ruin the stereotype, NASCAR!

Impressive dedication nonetheless.

We were 85 laps into the race when I realized it would be dawn before it ended so I bribed E with presents, and we waved good-bye to the blue car and our first NASCAR experience.

I can't hear you but I can see you taking my picture and thinking about leaving, and I'm annoyed.

As we left, I did see this sign in the parking lot, which helped to reaffirm that we were in fact at a NASCAR race.

No Tents Allow In Lot A. Who knew that could be a problem needing to be clarified?

Between you and me, we cannot WAIT to go back.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

15 thoughts to “We Went To NASCAR”

  1. I am all strangely delighted that you went to NASCAR for some reason. Maybe because I secretly love going tothe derby at the fair. There is just something about it. Of course I don’t wear my “Liberal for Life” shirt or anything, but it’s still fun.

  2. Did it smell like exhaust fumes? That’s one of the things I’ve always assumed about car races but I have no idea whether it’s true! It’s also one of the reasons I have never felt the urge to attend a car race.

  3. I’m stumped to figure out how ice and cigs go together. Beer and cigs? Soda and ice? Those combinations make sense. Ice and cigs? Weird.

    Unless you drop your cigarette on yourself and need to cool the burn with the ice?

    1. I think the ice is for the beer you bring. People show up 10 hours before the race. That’s a lot of beer to keep cold. Although how they keep the ice cold is a ‘cig & ice’ mystery.

  4. I can’t believe I’m asking this, but are those like official nascar-noise-dampening headphones? As soon as I saw the picture I thought, I wonder where I can get my nascar headphones next time I feel like going to see a race? 🙂

    1. So NASCAR has ones that you can rent with the radio announcer’s feed in them as well (which isn’t broadcaster over the speakers so it might not be a bad way to go although I’m not sure if my kids would’ve liked it). We bought ours at Dick’s Sporting Goods Store for the kids. And we wore regular earplugs.

  5. You have officially gone to the dark side. I don’t know about you anymore. I know, you’ll say you were “taking one for the team,” but this…this makes me sad. Sigh. 🙁

    In all seriousness, it looks like you all had a blast, and THAT’s what is truly important. 🙂

  6. I have lived in Richmond my entire life and have never gone to a race and have no interest in it. I’m glad you and your family had fun.

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