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Warning: Killer Dolls On The Loose

by Alex Iwashyna

in WTH

This is not a follow up to the princesses being stolen by Scott. They were given back to N at 5 p.m. after one look of death.

When I was a child, I made the mistake of watching the horror movie Child’s Play.  Perhaps, I thought it would be about building forts and making crafts. Instead it was about a demonic a redheaded doll the size of a toddler named Chucky. And watching Chucky WITHOUT BATTERIES turn his head around and say: Wanna play? before trying to kill this kid’s parents is permanently seared into my brain.

Uploading this picture freaked me out.

Now as an adult, I attempt to stay levelheaded about the possibility of being attacked by one of my children’s toys. I mean, I’m consistently tripped by Thomas the Train tracks, bruised by small legos and blinded by blinking robot, but I usually chalk this up to being the MESSIEST PERSON I KNOW. And happily passing along this terrible trait to my children.

Until last week, when I received an email from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) that A DOLL WAS TRYING TO KILL CHILDREN.

Creepy!

And her evil sisters:


The Death Doll Family had not succeed but is being recalled for an attempt on a toddler. BY USING ITS HAIR.

The CPSC and I think a Killer Dolls’ Family Reunion into one singular place is going to lead to very very bad things so instead of returning the doll for a refund, a parent can take scissors to the dolls hair and CUT THE LOOPS OF TERROR.

Creepy.

But after watching Child’s Play, I’m pretty sure when a doll wants to take you out, scissors, batteries, and a fire bomb is NO MATCH for the evil spirit of a serial killer.

Consider yourself warned.

Image Sources:
Chucky 1
Killer Dolls
Burnt Chucky 2

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

ginger park September 14, 2011 1

We have that doll…I my kids are half Korean, so I try and find dolls that look kinda Asian….I didn’t know it was trying to kill them! Thanks for the heads up and the funny post….as usual you had me giggling, and quaking in terror at the memory of Child’s play, if I have nightmares about my kid’s dolls coming after me I will blame you.

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Alexandria September 14, 2011 2

That movie has always scared the living crap out of me. My sister would put it on TV & casually call me in the room & I’d go bananas. And at night I would put all my dolls in the closet just in case. I was 12.

Just recently we were down in Hollywood & they have characters from different movies. Chuckie was there & I almost peed myself!

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Tara September 14, 2011 3

Chucky pretty much scared me out of having dolls. Thankfully, Delaney never liked dolls until recently… and really only american girl dolls. Although, she has started to love Monster High dolls and when their hands fall off and are stepped on by bare feet they can be brutal and will lead to inner thoughts of some pretty bad words.

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Anne at Always Half Full September 14, 2011 4

Yikes! When I was little I was sure my dolls, stuffed animals, etc came to life when I wasn’t in the room. But in a good way. Thanks for ruining that for me.

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Tracie September 15, 2011 5

I have avoided seeing that movie. I’m pretty sure that was a good choice.

Dolls are scary.

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midwest mom September 15, 2011 6

because of those creepy movies my husband REFUSES to take home his great-grandmother’s porcaline dolls that were handed down to our daughters. He told his mother that the girls can have them when they move into their own houses. Fine by me :)

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Jenni Chiu September 15, 2011 7

No no NO! That movie terrified me… thanks a lot, Alex.
I think cutting the loops of terror will only piss it off even more. Best to just pack up in the middle of the night and move.

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Skye September 16, 2011 8

I’ve never seen that movie because I know I would never recover. Remember when Furbys were big? I used to hide mine at night because it actually would sometimes turn on by itself and start talking. CREEPY.

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