Warning: Killer Dolls On The Loose

This is not a follow up to the princesses being stolen by Scott. They were given back to N at 5 p.m. after one look of death.

When I was a child, I made the mistake of watching the horror movie Child’s Play.  Perhaps, I thought it would be about building forts and making crafts. Instead it was about a demonic a redheaded doll the size of a toddler named Chucky. And watching Chucky WITHOUT BATTERIES turn his head around and say: Wanna play? before trying to kill this kid’s parents is permanently seared into my brain.

Uploading this picture freaked me out.

Now as an adult, I attempt to stay levelheaded about the possibility of being attacked by one of my children’s toys. I mean, I’m consistently tripped by Thomas the Train tracks, bruised by small legos and blinded by blinking robot, but I usually chalk this up to being the MESSIEST PERSON I KNOW. And happily passing along this terrible trait to my children.

Until last week, when I received an email from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) that A DOLL WAS TRYING TO KILL CHILDREN.


And her evil sisters:

The Death Doll Family had not succeed but is being recalled for an attempt on a toddler. BY USING ITS HAIR.

The CPSC and I think a Killer Dolls’ Family Reunion into one singular place is going to lead to very very bad things so instead of returning the doll for a refund, a parent can take scissors to the dolls hair and CUT THE LOOPS OF TERROR.


But after watching Child’s Play, I’m pretty sure when a doll wants to take you out, scissors, batteries, and a fire bomb is NO MATCH for the evil spirit of a serial killer.

Consider yourself warned.

Image Sources:
Chucky 1
Killer Dolls
Burnt Chucky 2

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

8 thoughts to “Warning: Killer Dolls On The Loose”

  1. We have that doll…I my kids are half Korean, so I try and find dolls that look kinda Asian….I didn’t know it was trying to kill them! Thanks for the heads up and the funny post….as usual you had me giggling, and quaking in terror at the memory of Child’s play, if I have nightmares about my kid’s dolls coming after me I will blame you.

  2. That movie has always scared the living crap out of me. My sister would put it on TV & casually call me in the room & I’d go bananas. And at night I would put all my dolls in the closet just in case. I was 12.

    Just recently we were down in Hollywood & they have characters from different movies. Chuckie was there & I almost peed myself!

  3. Chucky pretty much scared me out of having dolls. Thankfully, Delaney never liked dolls until recently… and really only american girl dolls. Although, she has started to love Monster High dolls and when their hands fall off and are stepped on by bare feet they can be brutal and will lead to inner thoughts of some pretty bad words.

  4. because of those creepy movies my husband REFUSES to take home his great-grandmother’s porcaline dolls that were handed down to our daughters. He told his mother that the girls can have them when they move into their own houses. Fine by me 🙂

  5. No no NO! That movie terrified me… thanks a lot, Alex.
    I think cutting the loops of terror will only piss it off even more. Best to just pack up in the middle of the night and move.

  6. I’ve never seen that movie because I know I would never recover. Remember when Furbys were big? I used to hide mine at night because it actually would sometimes turn on by itself and start talking. CREEPY.

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