I Hate Showering

I don’t particularly like showering. I haven’t recalled any traumatic showering injuries (mostly because The Awkward Bucket incident happened much too late to blame). I have no idea why taking the time to have clean hair and shaved armpits makes me suddenly have to do dishes, pick up sticks, drive to the store and stare at a wall.

If cleanliness is next to godliness, then I’m seated next to a 100 pound gorilla with a GI bug. And I’m wearing the hats, headbands and perfume to prove it.

I only knew to shower when I couldn't stop making this face no matter how far I moved away from the trash cans and kitty litter.

I forget to shower so often that it’s on my to-do list.

Don't worry, I showered. Eventually.

Once I became a parent and we moved beyond the infant stage of bathing once a week in a pot, I realized that I was passing along my penchant for dirt by forgetting to bathe my children.

We still use that pot to cook pasta. Who's up for a dinner party?

So my kids’ bath days are also on my to-do list because we KNOW how oblivious I am to dirt-paint-stink.

Of course, when we finally decide it’s time to check the hard work of sitting in hot water and using soap off our to-do list, we take it VERY seriously.

Ready?
Let's do this, guys.

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Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

21 thoughts on “I Hate Showering

  1. My kids actually remind me to take a shower. It’s just the whole taking your clothes off, getting in the water, getting cold, washing, shaving, scrubbing, etc…etc… I have two jobs and am a full time stay at home mom. Fuck showering.

    😉

  2. I would be much more likely to shower if I wasn’t afraid my kids would tear the house apart while I did. So I usually wait until they’re in bed, but then it’s 10 at night, and who wants to take a shower that late? I can say with 2 out of 3 kids in school now, I’ve already been a lot cleaner.

  3. I’m on the oppo end of the spectrum. I can’t stand to go a day without a shower. It’s like morning coffee…hard to wake up without it.

  4. I know what you mean. Showering takes SO MUCH EFFORT. In college I had a daily struggle: should I shower or sleep for 5 more minutes? Yeah, sleep always won. Now that I’m in “the real world” showering daily is pretty much the only thing I do that approaches being a normal, responsible adult, so I’m too proud of it than I should be.

  5. i’m pretty fastidious, but at this point in my life showering just requires time that i would usually rather spend on something else. also, i have really crappy hair, so once the shower is over then there’s the whole matter of drying and fixing the hair so i don’t look totally ridiculous by letting it dry on its own, which means MORE time. it isn’t worth it. i do, however, like to invite the approval of my husband, and herein lies my motivation not to fester indefinitely in my own filth.

    i think you said you just joined a gym, so now you can shower there after you work out and the kids are still in the kids’ area. that is where most of my showers happen these days. but i am fortunate to have a bathroom at home that permits the boys to bathe in the big bathtub while i shower in the stall beside them, with glass block so i can still see (and hear) that they’re not drowning each other. this is probably the only reason i ever give them baths.

  6. I forgot to bathe my son ALL THE TIME. Seriously. He’s supposed to get a bath every other night, unless he’s insanely gross for some reason. He winds up getting a bath like twice a week. Three if he’s lucky. I hope I’m not the mom of that kid who smells like pee all the time. I’m probably just immune to the scent by now.

  7. That is hysterical!
    It is funny, when I was a new mom someone told me to bathe my daughter everyday to wash off all the germs, and so she would not get sick as often. I am sure it is an old wives tale, but I did not know any better so my kids got into a routine of the nightly bath.
    Of course, now if I try to tell them to skip a bath they break into tears and act like I am asking them to jump in a vat full of trash. Of course, there are days where I skip a shower in the morning because I woke up late (which happens more than I want to admit), and my kids are the first ones to tell me how dirty I am.
    It makes me wonder if this old wives tale will be one of those things that my kids will talk to their therapist about when they are 30.

  8. I have to shower somewhere in between end of work ~ before bedtime. I get sooo dirty at work. like today when I went inside to eat lunch I had a raccoon face of dirt around where my safety glasses are. plus the BUGS! sometimes I get covered in ants and other creepy crawlies, which I don’t want to sleep with.
    I just am so tired by the time I decide to take a shower that sometimes I throw my washcloth, soap, shampoo etc to the bottom and just sit while I shower. so I’m a lazy shower taker indeed.

  9. I don’t know who started this bathe every day stuff. As a child, we had a bath once a week. When I tell people that, they look at me like I must have been neglected. Nope. Just joyfully dirty. Now I do a little better, but only because I smell.

  10. I’ve been planning to buy some dry shampoo. Usually my hair is what forces me in. (I like showers, but they sure take up a lot of time.) It’s actually better for us not to wash as often. We wash off the beneficial germs that are fighting off the bad ones. Also, shaving? I do that several times a year. It’s not worthy of my time.

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