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Cheering For Our Private Parts

by Alex Iwashyna

in Awkward, Is It Just Me?, My Daughter, My Son

As I’ve written about before, we’ve made it a point to teach out children that proper names for their anatomical parts. And while we emphasize that those parts are private and special, we don’t want to imply that they are secret or weird. Which sounds pretty boring and fairly easy until we are all in the car. Together.

My daughter, N, spontaneously announces: I have a penis.

My son counters: No, you don’t. You have a vagina.

N is unimpressed: I HAVE A PENIS!

E: NO, YOU DON’T! I HAVE A PENIS, AND YOU HAVE A VAGINA. Girls have vaginas and boys have penises.

N, being the little feminist the she is, does not believe that all girls have vaginas. Or she is just enjoying how upset her older brother is getting (another fantastic feminist quality). Either way, she continue to tout her penis and my son continues to shout back about vaginas.

However, I, being an older and wiser feminism theorist, get nervous. I don’t want N to think penises are better. I want vaginas to seem just as cool.

So I think fast and talk loud because N is now screaming: PPPEEENNNNIIISSSS

Me: WHO HAS A VAGINA? RAISE YOUR HAND!

And I raise my hand and yell like it’s the best thing to happen to me: MEEEEEEEE!

And N suddenly wants in and yells: MEEEEEEEE! I HAVE A VAGINA!

But I don’t want to emasculate my young son so I then yell: WHO HAS A PENIS?

And my husband and son quickly raise their hands and yell: MMMMMEEEEEEEE!!!

And we all cheer.

Also, this may be the one time feminists and cheerleaders are on common ground.

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

Jeb Hoge July 25, 2011 1

It’s nice having all boys because at least for right now, there is no confusion on this particular issue. I kind of can’t wait for the wide-eyed stare that I’ll get when we start detailing the specific differences, though.

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Sarah July 25, 2011 2

This is too freaking funny! When the kids were younger, this was a point of contention– not between our two boys, but between them, and all of their girl cousins (we have the only boys on both sides of the family). Well, not all of the girl cousins. Just one, in particular. Thankfully, she was happy to be different.
Sarah recently posted..The Trials and Tribulations of the Tooth Fairy

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KLZ July 25, 2011 3

Look, that’s just plain old good parenting.

Good for you! Good for you!!! (I’m cheering.)
KLZ recently posted..What Not to Wear

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Chara July 25, 2011 4

So I’m guessing you played the “Penis” game in high school, when you’d go to quiet places like libraries or movie theateres and a friend quietly says, “penis” and you not to be out done responds a tad louder with another “penis” only not be outdone your friend says back louder “penis” and so on and so forth until the one who has the most guts finally yells it the loudest and wins…or maybe that was just how I grew up.

By the way, you give me the courage to use correct body parts. Otherwise Riley would only know his wee wee and who knows what I would have called Lucy’s hoo-ha…probably that.

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Jessica July 25, 2011 5

So hilarious, this is constant talk in our house too. WHY is this the only thing they want to talk about as kids??

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Abby July 25, 2011 6

Fantastic.

Now…when are we going to write a song? And record a music video? Because these are valuable teaching points, my friend.
Abby recently posted..I’ve Got the Workout Blues

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AKeo July 25, 2011 7

Shish boom ra!
AKeo recently posted..My Naked Truth

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Tom July 25, 2011 8

You do realize you could sell tickets for ride-alongs in your car, right?

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Walt July 26, 2011 9

Consider installing Car-Cam.
Walt recently posted..A Day at the Beach

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Angela Alvarez July 25, 2011 10

N shows promise… ;)

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AmoebaMike July 25, 2011 11

haha love it!
AmoebaMike recently posted..In which I meet Bill Nye The Science Guy

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Linda July 25, 2011 12

Thank goodness it came out even!

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Racheal Cook July 25, 2011 13

You rock. :)
Racheal Cook recently posted..Embracing the Power of a Tribe

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Mrs. MidAtlantic July 25, 2011 14

My sister, thanks to endless hours of Pinnochio, was conviced that someday she’d turn into a real boy. It took almost a year to convince her otherwise. She is now 20 years old, and still a real girl.
Mrs. MidAtlantic recently posted..Addiction

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Megan (Best of Fates) July 25, 2011 15

This is fantastic. And not just because I love screaming “ME!”

Though I do.
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..I Blame My Parents (Naturally)

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Skye July 25, 2011 16

I hope one day I’m as awesome a mom as you are (and I have a family as awesome as yours)!

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Missy @ Wonder, Friend July 25, 2011 17

Because I only have boys, the v-word has yet to come up in conversation. We only discuss the absence of my penis. And it’s of great concern to the 2-year-old. He makes the sad-I’m-so-sorry face, complete with head tilt when he says, “Mommy not have penis?”

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Kristeen July 25, 2011 18

Yay for penises and vaginas! And yay for using anatomically correct names!

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Krista July 25, 2011 19

Way to go momma! I’ll remember this whenever my 1 year old gets old enough to declare her private part differences.
Krista recently posted..Evil Genius?

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SuzRocks July 25, 2011 20

Hooray for vaginas! And Penises!! Because boy would I be sad if there were no penises in this world.

That sounds really dirty, but you started it so I think it’s okay.
SuzRocks recently posted..Why, “Beer Please,” May Not Be the Most Important Phrase to Know Whilst Traveling

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Melissa July 25, 2011 21

CMH has yet to ask about her brother’s parts. She is too busy telling him he is so cute when he has his diaper changed. I’m waiting for it to come up – I should work on my response now, huh?

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Jana@AnAttitudeAdjustment July 25, 2011 22

I had this discussion with my son recently (the girl is still too young to understand), and he was simply fascinated, in part by how we pee differently. My husband cringed the entire time.
Jana@AnAttitudeAdjustment recently posted..Dogs in Strollers: A SuperWoman Special Edition

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Joel July 25, 2011 23

Is the seat supposed to be up or down?

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andygirl July 25, 2011 24

fan bloody tastic! you guys rock my world. my world!
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Walt July 26, 2011 25

YAYS FOR VAY JAYS!!!!!:)

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Katie July 26, 2011 26

This is so awesome I hardly have words…except…MEEEEEE!!! I HAVE A VAGINA! MEEEEEEE!!!!!
Katie recently posted..Still My Boy

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Eve July 26, 2011 27

If you really want to freak out the kids, show them those bizarro new Summers Eve ads with the talking vaginas, divided up into ethnic categories.

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Angela (Cottage Magpie) August 3, 2011 28

This is the best thing I have read all day. Love it. We are totally playing this game on our next car ride!

~Angela~

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