10 Things To Do With Your Kids This Summer And PROBABLY Not Get Arrested

I’ve seen a facebook-blog-meme-forum-email floating around called “101 Things To Do With Your Kids This Summer” so I’ve decided to add my 10 cents. Or 10 ideas. Because I’ll need that 10 cents to pull some of them off.

10 Things To Do With Your Kids This Summer
and PROBABLY Not Get Arrested

1. Build a fence around your backyard. Padlock the gate. Padlock the backdoor with your kids still outside.

2. Buy your children iPhones so you can snuggle while not screwing up each others’ games of Angry Birds. (If you have to steal money to accomplish this, you will get arrested. Please move on to #3 or watch Oceans 11 through 13 for details on heists.)

3. Go to your local pet store. Ask to pet the hamster. “Accidentally” drop it. You get to play FIND THE HAMSTER for the rest of the day with your pet store employees/babysitters! (Or pay $29.99 by bedtime.)

4. Find a fun camp. Ask if they have childcare so you can attend.

5. Buy a small plastic pool. Sit in it while they’re napping. Unless they may have peed in it. Then sit inside and attempt to play Angry Birds and Words with Friends on three different iPhones AT THE SAME TIME. Forget pool has pee in it and get some rest after your iPhone app marathon.

6. Give your kids binoculars and point them towards your neighbor’s window. If your neighbor has better toys than you, befriend her. If your neighbor is cheating on her husband, blackmail her. Now you can pay for #2 and possibly the hamster! Yay!

7.  Have a movie marathon of dead parent movies: Bambi, The Lion King, Find Nemo, Anastasia, Cinderella, Lilo and Stitch. Bring tissues and set aside some blackmail money for future therapy.

8. Hide your kids’ favorite candy throughout the playroom. Tell them that there’s eight pieces of candy. Only hide seven. Guaranteed hours of “fun.” Also, guaranteed a candy for you to eat.

9. Change the clock on your partner’s car, phone and computer. When he comes home an hour early, suggest he google “101 thing to do with your kids this summer” and drive away quickly.

10. Teach your kids to blog. You won’t see them again for months.

My summer’s is going great!  Yours?

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

20 thoughts on “10 Things To Do With Your Kids This Summer And PROBABLY Not Get Arrested

  1. Hahahahah! This is great! I am still laughing at the hamster idea. Remind me to tell you of a similar story when I was a fourth grader.

  2. Ha! I’ve done both #1 and #10! I am now going to attempt #9.

    I wanted to try my hand at a heist (mainly because I love the word) but I tend to giggle uncontrollably when being deceptive, and I think I may give myself away.

  3. Yes, the pool must be big enough to accommodate myself. I’m too cheap to pay for a membership, but I can shell out 5 more bucks to get an extra foot in the diameter.

  4. Lounging by the pool, alone, is something I miss. I’m running with this baby pool idea. Pee and all.

    (And heaven help us all when my kids can blog. I’m just stating now, for the record, you can’t believe a word they say.)

  5. LOL I just did #5 yesterday…cept it is the little tykes turtle pool/sandbox and only the oldest two napped so it was me and the 8 month old sitting in 4 inches of water. But I was able to read a book and talk on the phone while he opened and closed his fingers trying to “catch” the water.

    I think I’ll try #9 and see if I can make it far away before he catches on.

  6. Buy a six pack of beer at Wal Mart. Open the camping chair and sit down. Have kid fetch beers from cooler as you watch Finding Nemo. Bonus points if you “watch” the fitting rooms. Show receipts for everything when management asks to speak with you.

    Take a moment and ask yourself whether I’ve actually done this or not.

  7. Cracking up here! You’re an evil genius. Why aren’t you my neighbor? (Oh yeah, probably because I don’t have better stuff than you.)

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