I’ve seen a facebook-blog-meme-forum-email floating around called “101 Things To Do With Your Kids This Summer” so I’ve decided to add my 10 cents. Or 10 ideas. Because I’ll need that 10 cents to pull some of them off.
10 Things To Do With Your Kids This Summer
and PROBABLY Not Get Arrested
1. Build a fence around your backyard. Padlock the gate. Padlock the backdoor with your kids still outside.
2. Buy your children iPhones so you can snuggle while not screwing up each others’ games of Angry Birds. (If you have to steal money to accomplish this, you will get arrested. Please move on to #3 or watch Oceans 11 through 13 for details on heists.)
3. Go to your local pet store. Ask to pet the hamster. “Accidentally” drop it. You get to play FIND THE HAMSTER for the rest of the day with your pet store employees/babysitters! (Or pay $29.99 by bedtime.)
4. Find a fun camp. Ask if they have childcare so you can attend.
5. Buy a small plastic pool. Sit in it while they’re napping. Unless they may have peed in it. Then sit inside and attempt to play Angry Birds and Words with Friends on three different iPhones AT THE SAME TIME. Forget pool has pee in it and get some rest after your iPhone app marathon.
6. Give your kids binoculars and point them towards your neighbor’s window. If your neighbor has better toys than you, befriend her. If your neighbor is cheating on her husband, blackmail her. Now you can pay for #2 and possibly the hamster! Yay!
7. Have a movie marathon of dead parent movies: Bambi, The Lion King, Find Nemo, Anastasia, Cinderella, Lilo and Stitch. Bring tissues and set aside some blackmail money for future therapy.
8. Hide your kids’ favorite candy throughout the playroom. Tell them that there’s eight pieces of candy. Only hide seven. Guaranteed hours of “fun.” Also, guaranteed a candy for you to eat.
9. Change the clock on your partner’s car, phone and computer. When he comes home an hour early, suggest he google “101 thing to do with your kids this summer” and drive away quickly.
10. Teach your kids to blog. You won’t see them again for months.
My summer’s is going great! Yours?