I Ask: What Are You Doing For The Rapture? (Psst… It’s Saturday!)

Maybe it’s not so bad that the world is ending on Saturday.  I mean, I believe in God, I’m a good person and I don’t like most of my possessions.  I’ll miss my cats since I found out recently that pets can’t come and you need to get the After the Rapture Pet Care service, and my daughter since we haven’t even baptized her yet.  Although I’m not sure if that’s a requirement or not… only time will tell!

I actually think that the listeners of Family Radio make up just about the nicest cult that I’ve heard of.  They have spent, what, months? traveling around to warn strangers and friends?  That’s THOUGHTFUL.  They didn’t just shore up their Jesus time. Or make Kool-Aid.  Or murder people in their homes.   They took their faith and made it into helpful action.  Unlike the Christians who spend their Saturdays standing around throwing birthday parties outside of our local abortion clinic. Um, yeah…

I feel a little concerned about their faith and life path come Sunday, May 22nd. Or I’m concerned for myself come Sunday — that’ll probably depends how Saturday at 6 p.m. goes.  Because that’s when it starts. 6 p.m. in every time zone starting with the man-made International Date Line.  So Fiji is screwed but us East Coasters will have 16 hours to get right with God. East Coast USA really IS the best! Also, just enough time to get N’s baptism in!

The 6 p.m. part is a bit of a relief because I personally predicted that the world would end in my front yard.  Or start to end.  And while I do like being first in line, that’s more like the line to get free tickets to a Ben Folds concert. Sorry Fiji, but I’m with those radio guys.

By the way, Judgment Day is going to last five months.  And I thought days when my daughter didn’t nap were long!

Although I’m pretty sure the Maya calendar predicts 2012 and those guys built this:

No. I didn't paste us onto this picture. We were once jet-setters in dorky clothes.

A billboard on the side of route 95 just isn’t as impressive.

Because there will be no more TIME after October 2011 guys!

So I ask: What are you doing for the Rapture?

Photo source: Family Radio, Me

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

26 thoughts to “I Ask: What Are You Doing For The Rapture? (Psst… It’s Saturday!)”

  1. I guess the part in the Bible where it says no man shall no the time or date doesn’t apply (Mark 13:32)? Anyhoo, I’m traveling to the midwest! I’ll be on central time when my family is on eastern. Hummm. I’ll make sure to look for ya! I hope my fights stay on time and in check cuz I really don’t want to be rerouted via ATL or I might never make it!

  2. I’ll be at a 1st birthday pool party during the Rapture which is already some form of hell, right? I’m pretty sure I’m going to be left below… But that’s ok, I’ll have plenty of friends to keep me company!

  3. LoL Well, Chara already got my 1st point…the whole “no one shall no the day or hour” thing. Altho, I’m far too lazy to actually look up where in the Bible that reference was.

    Also, I’m a little intrigued by the fact that the “rapture” is supposed to last until my due date. Perhaps I should start taking bets as to whether or not the child I’m going to birth at that point is going to be the anti-christ.

    On second thought…maybe the bets aren’t a good idea. Ahem.

  4. The pet care is hilarious but also makes me a little sad. I plan to have brunch with college friends on Sunday- hopefully the Rapture won’t interfere. Judgment Day ends on my friend’s birthday (October 21). She’s going to have one hell of a party (ha)!

  5. The good news is that Super-Sophie (our dog) will be at the vet Saturday, so in the event we are raptured, she’ll be safe. My plan tonight, however, is to ensure I’m not raptured. I have things planned. I’m going to be busy!

  6. Dude, I wrote about the end of the world too! Clearly we’re just perfect for each other.

    If only we’d been able to met. Sadly, there’ll be no time for that in our tragic deaths. (At least mine, as I’m Catholic, and I’m pretty sure we’re not included. Though I haven’t researched it, so maybe. If so yay – we’ll have to party in heaven!)

  7. It’s not going to matter. I’ve got the goat flu or something, and will be dead by then anyway. So, have a nice party, people. *Cough cough, hack hack, aCHOO!*

  8. Everyone will think I am insane but I get really worried sometimes that one day I am going to be raptured and my kids won’t and I just drive myself insane thinking of how they would be all alone at the house for who knows how long until someone came and got them… THIS IS ALL INSANE. Why do I do this to myself?? So I am going to stop thinking about this right now.

  9. I think people have a misconception about the rapture. You see, the world is not ending, it will be left with heathens like me who will lead Earth towards it’s destruction…More fun for us heathens…

  10. I’m a little irritated. I didn’t realize the Rapture was on Saturday and I totally paid my credit card bill early this month.

    At least I’ll be able to pass the credit check.

    It they let me in.

    The jury’s still out on that one. And neither of my children are baptised. Chad is, but he doesn’t think he’ll be Raptured either.

    So. Yeah. Now that I think of it, I’m cool being left behind. Didn’t those people get a movie and book deal?

    1. So glad you said that – my credit card bill due date is today and I almost forgot. I would like to wait until Monday but if then if no rapture, then late payment, bad credit!

  11. My husband and two friends will be competing in a scallop cooking competition (a la Iron Chef) in my kitchen. And my husband will be making sushi. I’m not worried at all. I’m on good terms with God. And I have yet to see a rapture prediction come true.

  12. I shall be at a good friends wedding. Is there a better way to wait for the Rapture. The wedding will be starting right at 6 p.m. so I’m hoping the minister is quick. I am sure they would prefer to ascend together. Mazel Tov!

  13. So I didn’t know about the rapture until about two hours ago. I was busy scrubbing my house. I can’t believe I’m going to leave behind a sparkling clean house! My plan was to leave this place trashed. Sucks.

    I read on someone’s facebook status that they think it will be a zombie apocalypse, and that the local Wal-Mart is out of aluminum bats. My first thought was “I can’t wait to read Alex’s post. She’s so ready for the zombies!”

    Good luck tomorrow. If it’s zombies instead of rapture I’m pretty much screwed. All our bats are made of plastic.

  14. I plan to clean my porch today. I guess it’s so that the next owners of our house can enjoy it once we’re raptured at 6:00.

  15. I was totally hoping for the Rapture this weekend. It would have been nice to go ahead and start my eternity with the King. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to keep doing what I do down here and wait patiently.

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