I took y’all’s suggestions and have been cooking your meals. I even made chicken for my family. I HATE CHICKEN. But because I am unbelievably amazing, I decided to incorporate it into my quesadilla dinner on Monday night.
The Great Chicken Event:
I finish work early and head to the grocery store. Organic chicken is on sale so I buy two. I’m thrifty! And I’m proud! Until I look at the clock. It’s 11 a.m.. I pick up my daughter at 12 and my son at 12:30 p.m.. Putting the thrifty chicken in my refrigerator at 1 p.m..
Commence frantic tweet that comes off as nonchalant:
I’m actually thinking: OMG HURRY UP AND TELL ME IT’S OKAY BECAUSE I ALREADY BOUGHT THE CHICKEN AND CAN’T RETURN THE CHILDREN EITHER.
And I received multiple crazed responses that range from my family is going to die to let the car cook it.
I go with the two tweets that say: It’ll be fine.
And not because I hate chicken and am only risking my husband and two children. Probably.
In all the excitement surrounding my thrifty and dangerous purchase and transportation home, I forget that I’ve only cooked chicken once since the Great Chicken Incident of 2001. So, of course, I start tweeting again, but I forget to ask advice on how to actually cook it because I’m too busy trying to keep my computer from dying.
@deliaalley and I form a brain trust and create the best twitter plan a Monday has ever seen: I continue to use my computer keyboard, but I dip my fingers in a bleach and acid mixture after each use, thereby slowly removing all my fingerprints so I can save my computer from salmonella AND become a crime lord. Added bonus? Villains definitely do not need to cook chicken! Or cook delicious chicken! I can’t remember, but I’ll at least get to steal the chicken first. How thrifty is that?
The second best plan is to put my computer outside to get a tan. Although that seems unfair for me to own a computer that is less pasty than my legs.
The moral of the story is the chicken didn’t kill my family.
My computer is still a pasty deathtrap of salmonella.
And my quesadillas were perfect.
Because my children still refused to eat them.
Special thanks to @JDareG, @LaLibertine, @Walt313, @latorres, @letmepeeinpeace, @andie141, @P0TUS, @In_Mandyland, @AmeobaMike, @LittleHenHouse, @TwoAdults, and @PerpetuallyKate for also helping. If I forgot you, let me know. Or just hate me.