WANTED: The Perfect Job

I have been thinking a lot about getting a job. I mean, I have five jobs right now, but who’s counting?  Or sleeping?

And then, today, while listening to NPR, and I found it.

The perfect job.

Here’s my craiglists ad:


I am seeking a position as a Think Tank-er.

I think A LOT. And I don’t mind tanks as long as there are air holes and not too much water (I’m not a big shower-er.)

I would like to telecommute (see previous parenthesis for why), but I will need a local office so I can feel more legitimate. Also, so I can watch my current obsession: Season two of Brothers & Sisters.

I would like a Tank that plays to my thinking strengths:

  • I like to think about myself.
  • I can also thinking about you and how I’m better/worse than you.
  • I’m a talented RE-THINKER especially when it come to every life decision.

I’d prefer a liberal think tank since people agreeing with me makes me feel like I’m okay as a person. However, I am adept at arguing and/or pretending to be someone I’m not, so a conservative think tank is not a deal breaker.

Mostly, I would like to only think when it’s convenient for me and when I don’t have a migraine.

I will need $100,000 per year to think for you. If you add up my wasted education, you’re getting a deep discount in letters.

I can be found at [email protected] or at home encouraging my children to be the Messiahs. Messii.

Job search plan B resume: Mother of Messiah(s), 2011 through Armageddon.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

20 thoughts to “WANTED: The Perfect Job”

  1. Every time I listen to NPR and they have someone on who is from a think tank…..I wonder what exactly it is that these think tank people do. And I wonder how I can get such a great job, thinking. I bet that at the think tank they are even able to think in silence if they like, and any mom will tell you that is a luxury.

  2. Hmm…a think tank-er. Perhaps this job is for me, too. Especially since I never heard back from Groupon, and it’s been 28…no, 29 days. (Yes, I’m counting.)

    Let me know if you get any responses. If so, and they actually agree to the salary you set forth, I may be building my think tank next to yours.

  3. I, as well, have thought about think tanks (and how one goes about getting a job in one), but I’m claustrophobic. I think the glass walls would start to get to me.

  4. I am a way good thinker.

    I want to be in the think tank with you.

    I will not spill water on you.

    I will not run with scissors.

    I’m very good with long, useless but impressive sounding words, which of course EVERY think tank wants and needs (cause pretension is something that everyone needs!)

    So can I come too?

  5. I think that thinking that much would make all the thinking a bit less fun. Wait, I don’t find the endless thinking I do fun so, scratch that.

    Just remember, I can take your thoughts and create surveys and run focus groups to discuss your thoughts.

    Just some thoughts on how you could hire me. I think that I would only need about 1/2 what you make to feel fulfilled in my thinking and doing.

  6. I was just thinking this weekend how I wanted to be a think tanker. Maybe we should just start one. The money thing is a problem but we could be “think tank consultants”. You add consultant to the end of anything and it’s serious bucks.

  7. do you have to answer to the person that hires you? That’s my problem.. I can’t work for any kind of authority. Also, I need to work alone… that’s what happens when you’re always right.

  8. I have a job. Trust me, you don’t want one.

    Although, think tank isn’t a bad idea.

    The messiah thing, though, never works out. Kids just don’t do what their parents want them to.

  9. Oh! oh! I’m on Season 4. In fact as soon as I get done reading your blog I’m going to go watch an episode. I do that while husband is working late or traveling since he’s not watching this series.

  10. Me too please. I specialize is over thinking the greatest ideas of our time. Like where to go for lunch. Or what cookie to make next. Or what movie to watch. I’m also great at not making a decision and letting life make it for me.

  11. If this tank involved a group i submit my formal, written application in comment form. As I assume you’ve already landed the position, i trust this comment is sufficient display of character to land a good reference, yes? maybe?…. no?

    awwww… it was worth a try. but actually, that was just an exhibition to exhibiting “go getter” potential… yea… I’ll go with that…

    kudos and good luck :p

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