The Quiet Is Safe

The ugliness of my day inspires me to stay up all night if only to slow the return of another.

The longer I sit, ignoring sleep, the more difficult my tomorrow becomes.

But the idea of closing my eyes, when next they would open to sunshine and appointments and life, keeps me downstairs in the dark.

I watch television and the clock in the foolish hope that my insomnia will dull the onslaught of responsibility found in every sunrise.

The quiet is safe and dull.

I cannot disappoint anyone here.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

24 thoughts to “The Quiet Is Safe”

  1. are bad days becoming an epidemic? I’ve had a hard one too. let’s be pouty and avoid the world together. tomorrow isn’t a new day if we keep pushing it off right?

  2. I’m reaching for encouraging words, but fear I have none. When it comes to insomnia, it is the quiet companion that I do not know how to shake. I sit in that quiet most nights.

    Often, I pray. Tonight I will pray for you in my quiet, that in your quiet, you will find peace.

  3. I know exactly how you feel. I often lay awake at night because I know it is the only quiet time I have in my day where I don’t have to deal with anything. I hope your days get better and you can sleep again.

  4. You won’t disappoint anyone, Alex, you are amazing! Such a caring, sweet, genuine person… I’m sorry you’re feeling this way right now. Sending hugs your way!

  5. Hey, where’s my daily smile? I’m disappointed! KIDDING!!! Hahahaha! Really, I can say that I know you are not letting your family down. You are giving it all you’ve got, but you are only one person, and it’s not fair to expect perfection of yourself. I’ll send you some {{{virtual hugs}}} and ~~~supportive vibes~~~ so you can be on top again in no time. Thanks for sharing your life with us.

  6. I’m so sorry for your insomnia. My mom has a lot of sleep problems, and has for years. Been to a sleep clinic, sleep docs, the whole bit. But it still is a struggle for her.

  7. There are others in your boat. I think I’ve been steering, paddling, cleaning, maintaining that boat for a few months now. I’m ready to get off but have no idea how. Let me know if you find a way.

  8. “This too shall pass” I lived a lot of years on those words of wisdom from my mother.
    It’s true. Daytime quiet is coming someday. I promise.

  9. I can relate all too well …. at one point last night I thought it might be better if I didn’t fall asleep at all … finally I did … and then I slept through the alarm this morning … oh well … *sigh*

  10. I’d send you my book on meditation, but it didn’t help clear my mind at all. In fact, it just confused me. I will think good thoughts and send them your way, in hopes of a good night’s sleep tonight.

  11. I live in perpetual denial about mornings! I think “oh, its only 2am, I can still get a few hours sleep,” except that I require 12 hours of good sleep to function like a non-psycho so this never works out and yet I still keep doing it. I’m glad I’m not the only one!

  12. Excellent, Alex. Perfectly captured the feelings of panic & depression & worry over the following day. I hope you are relieved from your insomnia soon.

  13. damn girl!
    …. I do that, but I’ve always done that… wonder if I do it for the same reasons you do… hope not. I think I do it because that is MY time. and no matter how much I wasted on bad TV because I don’t have enough working neurons to do anything else, it is MINE and I am not about to give it up, even if that means I will regret it every morning.

    another theory: my hubs has a splif before going to bed to unwind and close the day (we do live in holland after all), I think I shut down my brain with pointless tv. Same thing, better for the lungs

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