My Giant Face Band Aid And An SOS Text

I am skipping Thoughtful Thursday this week. I feel like my post yesterday and all the stress about (not) skin cancer was serious enough. Well, until my friends, Abby (first four) and Mike (last two), sent me thoughtful renditions of my giant face band aid:

But I can’t deny an 85-year-old woman and avid reader anything, so I got my husband to draw my iPad-wielding Nana’s request on my ACTUAL band aid:

The Legendary Tortoise. May my skin live as long as he does.

I also skipped Thoughtful Thursday because I couldn’t wait any longer to share the text that I received Tuesday night as I was facilitating my Nobody Told Me moms group. I probably don’t have to say this, but it’s from my husband:

Attempted to clean bathroom – N tried to drown. While comforting N, the cat jumped in and tried to drown. While frantically trying not to die, the cat decided that pooping in the tub might save his life. While trying to drain tub to clean cat poop, E started screaming about not getting to take a bath. Then N slipped and fell on the tile all wet from her and the cat. So – the bathroom and the kids will need to be cleaned tomorrow. Thanks. #oldcollegetry

I cried from laughing so hard and was immediately sad that I didn’t read it during class. Because nobody told me cat poop could be a viable lifesaving device.

I should’ve drawn that PSA on my band aid.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

20 thoughts to “My Giant Face Band Aid And An SOS Text”

  1. I’ll take the AH-nuld band aid, thank you. And I am 95% certain that things like that happen to my husband whenever I leave him on his own with the baby, but he opts not to tell me.

  2. I saw your desperate call for help on Facebook, and like the great Internet friend I am, ignored it.

    For I do not understand Photoshop.
    Or humour.

    And that text makes me want a husband, so I can receive such awesome messages.

  3. So glad I, and my Photoshop obsession, could be of service. Anytime you need stuff added to pics, I’m your gal.

    Test message! FTMFW!!! Best line, ever. In fact, I say you need a tshirt that has the entire phrase on it. Epic.

  4. A) I wish I was in class, but have been out of town.
    B) If you had read a text like that in class, I would have peed.
    And single people thing family life and kids are boring! I think not.

  5. My grandma has an iPad, too. What the heck? I don’t have one!

    Good choice.

    And, seriously, the cat took a poop in the tub? It’s not hilarious, but it sort of is…

  6. Funniest text ever. Funny writing clearly runs in the family – you and Scott. E and N are going to be the most hilarious writers ever!

  7. I can SO see my hubby sending me a text like that….or just coming home to find a massive mess in the bathroom and the ol’ “I dunno” answer to “WTH?” Glad it’s not a tumah!

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