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I Pick My Nose

by Alex Iwashyna

in Motherhood, My Daughter, My Son, WTH

We have a zit sighting and we're going in

And ears.

Between my teeth.

Under my fingernails.

The corners of my eyes, too.

I’m a picker.

I love finding boogers, wax, scabs, zits.

I’m always looking for more crust to pick off. It feels…. satisfying.

I even have a cat who gets boogers. Black ones. It’s like God wants me to pick.

When y’all suggested that my hearing problems were due to earwax, I was jealous of Scott and his opportunity to PICK PICK PICK. Except it turns out I’m an EXPERT PICKER because I had no earwax whatsoever. I’m proud and disappointed. Proud at my mad picking skills but sad that I’m deaf.

I would join the Picker Olympic Team if the I.O.C. would ever return my phone calls.

But the best news, that nobody ever told me, is how awesome motherhood would be for a picker. It’s top ten best thing about having kids. (The rest of the list is sappy and sweet, okay?)

Children constantly have snot in their nose, eyes, ears, mouths and for the first year, they can’t even TRY to do it themselves. PICK PICK PICK {happy sigh}

I feel like I should note here that I draw the line at picking off my children’s scabs. Because those can hurt and scar. My picking isn’t about pain. And neither is parenting. Well, parenting is a little bit about terrible emotional pain as you watch your children hurt by other children, but physical pain? No. Well, parenting is a little bit about terrible physical pain as you are jumped on from the monkey bars six feet in the air without any warning.

Okay, so I just don’t believe in hurting my children even though it turns out they hurt me all the time. Well, unless the scab is hanging by a thread on their little knees. Then I look at them quick and PICK PICK PICK when they look away. They don’t even notice.

Mostly.

Because our parenting days goes a little something like this:

Me: Ooh honey! You have a great booger!
N/E: No.
Me: Let me just get it.
N/E: NO.
Me {sigh}: Okay. You get it.

Tissues are found. WIPE WIPE WIPE.

Me: You didn’t get it.

WIPE WIPE WIPE

N/E: Okay, done.
Me: Um, it’s still there. Let me get it!
N/E: Noooooo.
Me: Okay.

I agree because I want to respect my children’s autonomy over their bodies so I ignore its pickability.

Fidgetfidgetfidget

IGNOREIGNOREIGNOREIGNORE

TWEETTWEETTWEET

FACEBOOKFACEBOOKBOOGERBOOGERBOOGER

BOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGERBOOGER

PICK PICK PICK

N/E: MAMA!

Me: Sorry.

{slightly satisfied look}

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

Racheal Cook March 6, 2011 1

ewwwwwww! But funny. Boogers are gross… but I find myself constantly picking them out of noses, getting crusties out of eyes… both for babies and the dog. Figures that I hate boogers and surrounded by 3 babies that require me to constantly come in contact with snot.
Racheal Cook recently posted..Q &amp A Friday- Do It NOW!

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Katie March 6, 2011 2

omg this post was so funny :
“Proud at my mad picking skills but sad that I’m deaf.”
LOL I dont know why I feel the need to point out the line I found the funniest but I think it’s in hopes that you continue to write similar funny lines?
Also who doesn’t pick their boogs? They’re lying if they say they don’t. Even if you use a tissue like you’re still picking your nose. Just needed to get that point out there.

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MichelleMayhem March 6, 2011 3

I’m like this with J’s pimples. I can’t just leave them be! I always feel horrible when it hurts him, and I stop and go, ‘sorry sorry sorry! But I got it!’ with this big smile on my face.
I should take this moment to apologise to my future children.
MichelleMayhem recently posted..SOCSunday- Where I remember Kat

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Tracie March 6, 2011 4

This is why I come here….because you just validated my picking problem. I think I love you for that.
Tracie recently posted..Filling The Empty Spaces

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Edie B. Kuhl March 7, 2011 5

SO glad to know I’m not the only one picking my cat’s boogers!
Edie B. Kuhl recently posted..Its All in the Wrist

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Leigh Ann (The Twin Spin) March 7, 2011 6

Oh my god the facebook to booger transition made my night. I tried to explain to hubs why I was laughing so hard. He didn’t appreciate it as much. But I’m still laughing!

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Kristin @ Peace, Love and Muesli March 7, 2011 7

Currently we’re working on when is the right time to pick. Home is fine. Ballet class is not.

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Klz March 7, 2011 8

Alex often has earwax so great that balls of it fall into his ears. When I go for it the whole family yells at me for picking. I suppose my reputation is well know. But who could just leave that there?!?!? It’s amazing I leave him alone long enough for it to get like thaT

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TheKitchenWitch March 7, 2011 9

Fellow picker, here! It’s a sickness! I think it’s the immediate gratification of it.

I laughed out loud when I saw, “Honey! You have a great booger!”

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Megan (Best of Fates) March 7, 2011 10

I had read your blog for months before noticing that your photo isn’t of you picking your nose.

True story.
Megan (Best of Fates) recently posted..And Me Without A Fattened Calf

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Lisa March 7, 2011 11

Pickers of the world, UNITE!

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Tara March 7, 2011 12

Yay! Another fellow picker. Preston gets so pissed when I try to pick things on him. He claims I hurt him. Whatever. I pick Tripp as well. I guess we are connecting with evolution and apes, but at least we don’t eat it. Or I know I don’t. :) And now you know one of the reasons I become a dental hygienist. I get to pick poop off people’s teeth.

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LindsJo March 7, 2011 13

We are like souls I tell you!!

I am a bonified, habitual picker. It’s so gratifying and a stress relief. And, I’m not ashamed of it either.

Ask my husband. I ask to pick his zits on a pretty regular basis. He doesn’t get it but obliges. Especially if I see a huge, ripe one on him. Whether it be on his chest, back, or face if I don’t pop it or get him to pop it, the thing will drive me nuts! (I may or may not lose sleep over it…I’ll never tell.)

I think a lot of people are pickers. We should start a club.
LindsJo recently posted..50-50

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AKeo March 7, 2011 14

I’m forwarding this to my husband – he thinks I’m a huge freak. I am not alone!

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Walt March 7, 2011 15

Guilty as Charged. PICK!

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Melissa March 7, 2011 16

I am more of an unclogger than a picker. I LOVE unclogging a pore. Does that count as the same thing?

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Late Enough March 7, 2011 17

Only if you’ll come over and take care of mine.

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Abby March 7, 2011 18

Peely skin from sunburn is the BEST!
Abby recently posted..Ill Pay You To Shoot Me Now

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liz March 7, 2011 19

Wiping is NOWHERE as satisfying as picking. I, too, am a picker, and I totally get that picking high.
liz recently posted..A Scene from Saturday Morning

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susie March 7, 2011 20

Little toe jams are my FAVORITE!!!

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Krystyn March 7, 2011 21

We are kindred spirits. I’m a chronic picker, too! Drives the husband crazy!

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nic @mybottlesup March 7, 2011 22

TOTAL PICKER RIGHT HERE! and i too tell my son “hold on, that’s a good one. let me just try once more…”

also, there’s this zit on my back that i need popped and i can’t reach it.

lil help plz?

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Late Enough March 7, 2011 23

If we lived closer, you know I would.

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andygirl March 7, 2011 24

loose teeth are going to be a problem for you. I just know it.

I’m the same way. if something is off or different, I have to pick at it. it’s awful. truly awful.
andygirl recently posted..Raw Photos Contest- What Makes You Laugh

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Michele March 7, 2011 25

Oh, I’m a picker too. My #1 worst habit. When I was a teen I couldn’t leave my pimples alone even under the threat of facial scarring. As an adult I spend way too much time inspecting my pores in the bathroom. I also pick at my cuticles which is ugly but I CANNOT stop. You are not alone and NOT weird. I hope.

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Jenn March 7, 2011 26

You are great and so are pickers. I am a filly commited nail biter but I pick part-time. Love your honesty!
Jenn recently posted..Coconuts and Chlorine

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Jenn March 7, 2011 27

*fully (also a part-time speller)
Jenn recently posted..Coconuts and Chlorine

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Jessica March 7, 2011 28

I am such a picker! My kids hate it. It’s good to know I am not alone.

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Lady Jennie March 8, 2011 29

Yes, I am seriously a picker too. My poor kids.

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Daredevil March 8, 2011 30

I laughed so hard reading this, it’s SO me!! I find myself extra-picky when pregnant, almost to the point of being obsessive. Thankfully we’re done having kids…..or are we? ;-)

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Mom Went Crazy March 8, 2011 31

You are hilarious. I would never have the guts to post this even though I totally do it too. I pick everything. Not scabs though. Those hurt. Kudos to you on posting this. You’re so honest. Love it

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SuzRocks March 8, 2011 32

One more reason why I love you. Do you know that in my ‘About’ page, I state that people who don’t admit they pick their nose are liars?

I am also a picker. I LOVE tweezing my eyebrows. Now that I’m married, I get TWO sets of eyebrows to pluck. It’s fabulous. Scabs, torn finger/toe nails, zits- you name it.

Sometimes at work, when my patients are asleep, I sit there and look at their face- which may be covered with chin hair or zits or a unibrow and I SOO badly want to pluck/pick them. Because who WOULDN’T want a free eyebrow job thrown in with their surgery?

I don’t though. Probably is considered battery.
SuzRocks recently posted..Some Don&8217t Get to Celebrate International Women&8217s Day

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J March 10, 2011 33

The internet is so. freaking. great. Why? Because you can find people who are just like you in your weirdness. Only in this case, like me but way braver. Because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been cool enough (yes, cool enough) to post to the world about my picking addiction like you did. But I’m soo excited to find a fellow picker. Zits, boogers, scabs (my own and others’ if they’ll let me… or I’m fast enough and they’re unwitting and I know them well enough to know they won’t call the cops on me), and my personal favorite: sunburn peel. It’s embarrassing how excited I get when my husband burns his back in the summer, but oh… YES! In a few days (even though he hates it and makes me put aloe and lotion on for days after), I get to go at that flaky skin (I’ll do it for hours without stopping) and I. Love. It.

Pickers, unite! Way to share, Alex!

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Mommy Shorts March 12, 2011 34

Are we allowed to admit we’re all nosepickers now? Thank god! It has been eating me up inside. The baby WILL NOT let me pick her nose. She’ll shake her head furiously and make it impossible. But her boogers? Big, crusty and right on the edge. IT KILLS ME.
Mommy Shorts recently posted..Dont Let That Hideous Doll Out Of The House

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