WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Thank you for all the amazing comments on yesterday’s post, I think that I’ll dedicate a post, hopefully each week and possibly on the same day, to the world beyond my little home. PS. This post isn’t one of them.

Scott and I go to the movies.

Every twenty minutes I lean into him and say: WHAT DID HE SAY?

I think: Oh, that king has a speech impediment.

I’m in the car with the kids and surprisingly, my son is talking about school.

HE’S TALKING ABOUT SCHOOL! And not just what he ate for snack. I think. Because all I hear is WHOOOOOOOSH. And we aren’t in a convertible. Sadly.

Me: E SPEAK UP! I WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT YOUR DAY.
E: I’M TELLING YOU!
Me: SPEAK UP LOUDER! IS A WINDOW OPEN?
E: NO.
Me: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
E: Nothing.
Me: YOU DID WHAT AT SCHOOL?
My daughter pipes in: MUSIC.
My son: RADIO.
Me: I HEARD THAT and you’re just trying to get me to stop yelling.

Silence.

I think: Maybe our mini-minivan is not well insulated.

I’m guest speaking at a college class on non-profits and social media, and I’m going on about Facebook. (Yes, I love Facebook because it’s a large boat full of EVERYONE including your grandma — mine happens to be an AVID Late Enough reader.)

A woman pipes up during my rant: YOU’RE AWFUL.
I think: That was bold.
I say: Excuse me?
She yells: YOU’RE RIGHT ON.

At which point I stopped asking her to repeat herself.

I might be going deaf, but I’m not going stupid.



Epilogue:
When I wrote this post, I told Scott: I’m going to ask my doctor for a hearing test.
Scott: Really?
Me: Yup. I’m having trouble hearing things. Which might explain our miscommunication lately.
Scott: Oh, it does! I’m saying everything RIGHT; you just can’t hear me!

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

22 thoughts on “WHAT DID YOU SAY?

  1. oh you poor thing. men are supposed to lose their hearing first so you can use that argument on them! plus then they have an excuse when they don’t listen to anything.

  2. Two words – ear wax – Most common cause of hearing loss that I see =) So make sure your doc looks in your ears before referring you for expensive testing!

  3. I appears your husband is a bit of a wise acre.

    Also, can you imagine if that woman had indeed said you were awful? How horrid. Good thing, though, that you are NOT.

  4. I had an awful ear infection and two weeks later all I heard was whooshwhoshwhosh. It was like I was in a pool. But it did go away. ENTs have wonderful little vacuumy thingies to get your ear squeaky clean.

  5. I live with a mumbler. So I can blame our miscommunication on the fact that it takes him 54 times to say something loud enough for me to be able to hear in the first place. 🙂

  6. OMG – I didn’t know Dr. Scott would do this kind of thing! I am so psyched! Next time we bring our son in for his well visit maybe he can clean out my husband’s ears? He is sooooo deaf! JK – I am sure he is just ignoring me 😉

  7. Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where George doesn’t have his glasses and he is all legally blind, but can spot a penny across the room? And everyone is all baffled?

    That is me with hearing.

    I have perfect hearing every time I take a hearing test and I can hear students say annoying shit from across the room when everyone is talking.

    But if my husband says something to me? Or we are watching TV? I will hear everything…EVERYTHING wrong.

    um.

    this was a novel of a comment.

    just to say, “yup, me too.”

    oops.

  8. That is the WORST feeling. I suffer from horrific ear infections – there’s a constant clicking in both ears every time I swallow – and those times when I can’t hear I feel like everyone is ganging up on me and whispering.

    Hope you get better

  9. I was having a weird clogged ear thing and I went to the ear doctor positive he was going to pull a golf ball sized piece of wax out of my ear. I was rather excited about it. Sadly, he told me there was no such ball of wax and my hearing was just fine. Then he gave me a nose spray and told me I had allergies that were somehow messing with my ears. I hope your issue is as easily resolved.

  10. It took a huge, out-and-out, knock down drag out fight with hubby to get him to get his hearing tested. $6000 worth of hearing aids later—they sit in the drawer unless he has something “important” to do.

    Which means our conversations are misheard just as often as they were before the fight. Sigh.

  11. You know what? I”m going to hold you to that, please do a weekly post on things happening outside of our world.

    You have THE PERFECT way of making relatable to us, and letting us know the reasons to care.

    We can share this info with our kids. And we can voice our opinion to the ones who think they got it all down.

    Please, do, run a current “why you should care” post.

    THANK YOU!

  12. I have a confession. I started out on your husband’s blog because he is my daughter’s pediatrician. On Saturday, he told me about his website so that I could watch the video on starting babies on food. I haven’t gotten to that video yet.
    There is a mistake on his website. As much as I like him, he has your website next to the statement “He is the husband to a wonderful wife.” I haven’t made it back to his website yet.
    Thank you for the honesty in your writing. Honesty about you and deep dark hurts, honesty about marriage and honesty about God and you with God. My soul is feeling refreshed.
    I also probably now know more about my pediatrician than he ever wanted me to know. 🙂

    Carmen Henigin

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